Reflections on a Difficult Time

I was listening to NPR on my car radio today.  They were broadcasting an interview with Sandra Day O'Connor former Justice of the Supreme Court.  It was very interesting.  She tells us about the time just after she graduated from law school and was looking for work. Apparently her husband was finishing law school so she needed to work.   Several large and prestigious legal firms had notices on the information bulletin boards at her college.  She did say the name, but I was driving and couldn't write it down and now I can't remember it.  But everywhere she applied or tried to apply she was told "we don't hire women". No apology, no explanation and no laws to prevent that sort of discrimination. She is older than I am, but not so much that I never experienced sex discrimination in work, hiring, and most especially in school. Of course being a Catholic girl in a religious school we saw the discrimination on a daily basis.  Nuns were secondary citizens in the religious life. They couldn't be priests and were subject to the authority of the priest and the bishop and the pope who were all men. When the sex scandals surfaced they were always with priests or brothers (monks).  There have been some scandals involving nuns, but they were few and related to  the abuse of the children and sometimes women in their care, but not of a sexual nature.  There weren't many scandals, but enough to make me wonder about the preaching.  Imagine someone in authority telling you that you must be honest, not steal, not be lazy, not touch your own private parts for pleasure - all these things are sins (and many more that I don't really have the space to mention), displeasing to god, making the devil happy, and  a shame to your parents if you get caught - and then committing all these acts and more as well as molesting young children who are terribly hurt by these acts.  It should destroy your faith. I can't imagine why anyone is still a member of this church. I do believe in God, but not the one the catholic church believes in or claims to believe in.

It is interesting to me that things have changed a lot, but there is still room for improvement.  So these days a potential employer can't say that he won't hire you because you are female.  That is simply against the law.  But what he can do is make it difficult to get hired  or to keep the job.  If she has children and knows that she will have to work odd hours or weekends she may not be able to meet these requirements.  If training of a specific nature is required and she  is unable to get the training because she is female then she won't get the job, but she may have a chance to fight that depending on the specifics.

But back to Sandra Day O'Connor.  She faced much sex discrimination as a female attorney, and she sort of just went with the flow.  I think she's an amazing woman and I am sorry she retired.  She was worried about her husband who was and presumably still is suffering from Alzheimer's disease or some type of dementia.  Not many men do that for their wives, but in large numbers women care for their husbands until it becomes impossible.  Most people with this disease are older citizens and their caretakers are also older.  That makes it hard when it comes to some of the physical aspects of care and almost impossible in some cases.

My father suffered from this disease, and my mother and I took care of him for years, but when he got aggressive and threw things we had to place him in a nursing home.  My mother was only about 4ft 10 inches tall and very frail herself.  I helped but was working full time at that time and a single parent as well.  I couldn't be there all the time and my mother's health was deteriorating.  We visited regularly. The nurses were good. He died about 5 years after moving to a nursing home.  It is a sad and terrible disease that steals a person's memory and exhausts his caretakers and family members.  And yet so little is known about it, it's causes and prevention, and most of what is known is not helpful.  Treatments are still in the trial stages.  I hope my sisters and I are spared the ravages of this disease. I for one have seen more than enough.

When one is in this situation with a parent or mate who is draining the life from
her death sometimes seems like the only way out.  It is sad and tragic and research needs to be done yes, but something needs to be done for the caretakers.  They need help too.

Progress Report

Well I have finally put my house on the market and a few people have looked at it.  But the housing market is usually slow at this time of year.  In the spring things should be better.

L will be going to visit my daughter and family in a week or so.  He likes to take the kids to the
strawberry festival - which I have never seen.  The kids don't know so of course they will be wildly
happy and excited when they see him.  Sadly only one of them will be able to go because the other two have had behavioral episodes and are grounded.  I'm glad they don't read this blog because they might
recognize themselves.

It has been a long 3 years for me working on 2 houses, packing up one house, moving and unpacking, finding lost items, keeping up with bills, my checkbook,  kitties, visits to my daughter and even
grocery shopping is a pain (maybe it was, but now I notice it more) and it has been bitterly
cold and then it gets warmer. Then there were months and months of shoulder pain, major surgery, recovery and I'm still having a lot of pain in the shoulder.   We've also had some serious snow, and heavy rains, and then a little sunshine or a spring- like day. Thats New England - if you don't like the weather wait a day and you'll get something else.  But nobody promises it will get better.  We had a massive snow storm with hurricane-like winds.  It even had a name, in fact 2 names. In CT it  is called Storm Charlotte  and elsewhere it's called Nemo. It dumped tons of snow everywhere.  The roads were impassable, roofs were caving on some structures, the snow plow got stuck on my street and 2 more vehicles came to help get him free the first one had also become stuck.  I think they said we had almost 34 inches of snow over 2 days.

I have never liked snow even when I was child.  I do enjoy watching it fall and build up a bit,  but being
out in it is not something I'd willingly choose, and driving in it is still dangerous, and shoveling just hurts too
much.

Writing

I had some good ideas yesterday at my writing group, but I didn't write them down and now I can't remember what they were.  Perhaps the misadventures of my cats might be interesting or maybe the birds who live in my back yard and the ones who visit would catch your attention.  I have quite a few nice normal backyard birds. I have a pair of cardinales  but have not seen any juveniles, I have many blue-jays including jeuveniles, morning doves, grackles, titmouse, chickadees, and  one robin that I've seen and a woodpecker and of course  multiple squirrels.  The  birds watch me put out the seeds and ocaisionnally some left-overs.  They don't seem afraid of me and some of the birds come right to my porch area to grab peanuts.  It surprised me that the little ones can eat the peanuts but they manage.  I love to watch them, but recently there has been a little problem with a flock of black birds that is very large.  I would estimate about a hundred maybe a little more and a few large crows.  They fly in all at once and totally empty the bird feeder and scarf anything left on the ground.  I'm ashamed to admit that I chase them by making loud banging noises which must annoy my neighbors.  It works for a little while then they are back decimating my food supply.  So again I make noise - knock on the window, bang the door or go outside and bang a wooden stick on a metal tool chest.  They leave but return too quickly.  I may have to stop feeding them altogether until they find some other place to visit.  I would not chase them if there were only a few, but the large population destroys everything in it's path. My cats do seem to enjoy the entertainment factor, and I take one of them outside (undersupervision) to watch the birds and squirrels.The squirrels, by the way,  love the peanuts and even knock at my door in the morning to remind me that they are hungry.  They also like the sunflower seeds and munch on them all day.  The best part of all of it is that a few of the squirrels will take the peanut from  my hands and then of course run like heck. They also come when I make that kissing noise.  They know me now and don't seem too afraid, but they won't let me get too close, and don't like sudden movements.  I do spend considerable money on these little creatures, and in the summer I also have a groundhog, and some possums, once a raccoon and  so I leave stuff for them once in a while. The chipmunks will also eat the seeds and peanuts with the squirrels in the summer, but they hybernate in the winter..  I don't get to see the possum or raccoones eat what I leave, but if it's gone in the morning I assume they have eaten it. Years ago when my daughter was around 10 we did feed some raccoons who would actually come on the porch and take the food from our hands gently.  I learned later that that could be dangerous and is also against the law.  We stopped then. Back then there was no rabies in CT, but sadly now there is quite a bit and raccoons, possums and a few others I don't remember right now are carriers.   So I hope you've enjoyed this animal centered issue.

Men vs Therapy

I was just watching a police story on tv tonight. One of the younger officers was supposed to go see a therapist after an incident and was dragging his feet. I don't know what is wrong with men who think that going to a therapist to talk about a problem is worse than going to jail. I don't understand, because I would love to go to a therapist and have my employer pay for it and talk about my troubles (which have been extensive for the last 5-7 years of my life. Men think of talking the way I think of being shot. What's with that macho thing? I mean you get paid time off work (in this program), you have someone who is paid to listen to you giving you advice about your life and job, and either your insurance or employer pays for it. What's not to like??? My only complaint is that I think the therapist should have some cats in the office or possibly dogs to help keep the client calm and relaxed. Animals have a good influence on most people in therapy. They are usually working through some serious or prolonged problems and the extra support the animals could provide would most likely be very welcome and beneficial. It might even make it easier for men to go to therapy initially because they might hear of the positive experience of the people who received therapy in a setting with animals. Even an aquarium with colorful fish can be soothing and calming during difficult sessions. But back to my original topic - why are men so afraid of therapy, afraid to admit they need it, afraid to admit that they are involved in therapy, and more that I don't know about. It's funny - big, strong, tough, independent, smart men are afraid of therapy-- talk therapy. I really don't understand, though I do have a few guesses.

Plans for Christmas

Well Christmas is near, most of my shopping is done - all but my SO.  I'll have to come up with something for him.  I gave him a gift certificate once, but he never used it.  So my money was wasted, but I didn't make an issue of it.  I have Elle to thank for giving me ideas for gifts that I could order online and have them delivered.  I don't have to bring the gifts with me when I visit her for Christmas this year.

For the last year or 2 my friend and I have been working on renovating first my mother's house then my house after I moved into my mother's.  We are about 97% finished; when it's ready  I'll  put the house on the market and hope it sells quickly.  I have some bills to pay for the renovations and more. We have just a few things to clear from the basement and that's all.   I hope it sells quickly.  It does look nice and I certainly wouldn't mind living in it, so I think someone should like it enough to buy it.

The only thing wrong is that we're driving to FL. which is tedious, but these days if one isn't very wealthy, flying is expensive and not very pleasant either.  Oh well those are the only choices I guess - driving or flying.

My daughter and granddaughter are now involved with the sport of horse-back riding.  They both seem to love it.  Many years ago I saw an episode of one of those evening news magazine shows that was about little girls and  horses.  It seems that girls much more than boys love the big horses and love  being able to manage the huge animals without fear.  And the horses (according to this program) liked the girls more than the boys, though I don't remember why or how they
figured that out. I do have a picture of my granddaughter riding a horse and
leaning forward with her arms around the horse's neck - hugging him.  He
seems to be enjoying it to.

Random Thoughts

In my writing group today we discussed the timely  topic of World Peace day, which is today or actually yesterday since it is now after midnight.  It was also my granddaughter's birthday and she is now 12 which has been dubbed the tweens.  Her name is Lily and I love her very much and miss her because she lives 1500 miles from me.   I'm hoping to visit them at Christmas, but if I do go I'm not allowed to tell the kids I'm coming (my daughter's rule).  She wants them to be surprised. She doesn't want them to nag her for 4 weeks about when  gramma is
coming - over and over.  So I will try to comply, but some-times I slip.  My other 2 grandkids also will be very happy to see me.  They love having grandparents. They are also close to Lily's age 12 and 13 (soon to be 14).  They were adopted so of course there ages are not what one would have with biological grandchildren.  I love them of course.  I don't get to FL often.  It's just a lot of planning either a
very long drive, or a flight and all the planning that takes.  I like to fly, the details
associated with that are tedious.  But it will be good to see them all.

Talking to the Radio

I admit it!! I talk to my car radio, or to the people inside the little electronic device.  Of course I know they can't hear me, but I just have to let some of that anger out.  I had to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh because I was afraid I'd catch his ignorance. Of course I only listened twice - that was enough for me and it included a fair amount of yelling at the radio.

 Most of the time I listen to CPTV in CT and NPR International programs that are aired on my local public radio station. They seem to present the most objective reports.  I listen to music stations when I've had enough serious stuff for awhile.

It's not that I don't want to hear people who disagree with me.  I don't mind a give and take, but I find with conservatives and rednecks (you know who you are) there is only take.  They take all the time for conversation, and they are usually loud and obnoxious , and will not listen to anyone who disagrees with them..  My mother-in-law was from the south, republican, and set in her ways, but she on ocasion would at least listen to another view, but the rest of her family would only shout out stupid stuff about guns, hunting and hurting animals etc and political differences. These topics were serious to me, and a big joke to them.  I happen to be liberal though when I met them I just thought I was normal and they were strange.  They were a little strange especially in the area of humor.

Most of what they laughed at struck me as some kind of atrocity or inhumane treatment of animals and certainly not funny.  But what drove me crazy was that I would sit politely and not interrupt waiting patiently for my turn to speak.  When that happened, I didn't get to say much before being interrupted repeatedly.
They were very loud and didn't know how to listen.  Coming from a Catholic education with nuns who made us keep silent during class, especially when another student or the teacher was speaking,  I found their behavior repulsive.  The idea about having a  conversation  in which one says something politely and then gives the floor to someone else and remains quiet while that person speaks was a totally foreign concept to them.  My inlaws had never heard of this form of conversation. For them it was the loudest, biggest mouthed, and most long-winded  who held the floor as long as he could and felt free to interrupt when it wasn't his turn.  I say "his" because it was the men more than the women who were like that: loud, interrupting and rude that is.  When all the guys went outside to play some sport the ladies were much better behaved allowing the give and take more easily.  My mother-in-law did tell me once that they only did that to me because they
enjoyed seeing me get angry and frustrated with them.  And that I did.

So back to the radio thing: when I'm listening to something exciting or far right about something like gun control I have to speak quickly or I'll lose my turn as has happened to me many times years ago (guess I'm still scarred).  The good thing about talking to the radio is that one doesn't really get interrupted.  If the speaker continues while I'm trying to make a point I can turn the volume down and speak to the ghosts in my car or the people on the radio.  I know they don't hear me, I don't care.  It just feels good to let it out. Once or twice I've had to stop to write down a thought or 2 that I don't want to forget, and once or twice I sent an email to the station giving them my opinion even though they didn't ask for it.

Email has made things like "letters to the editor", or comments to tv and radiio news programs so much easier than years ago when we had to find the addresses, and the proper salutation depending on the person's role or title.  Even writing to a senator is easy now, and I have done it a few times.  I'm not sure if anyone listens any better than the radio does, but I still send my opinions.

I do think, though that if one wants unbiased news that is relevant and current, NPR is the way to go, though it may be a tad liberal.  But liberal is why we get to hear both sides.  Conservatives seem only to want to hear their own side at least that is my experience with them, and they are more fear oriented rather than concern for what is safe, moral, fair, necessary  and under whose jurisdiction it lies.  And writing my blog is the only way I could ever get the last word with a group of conservatives.