Printer Tantrums

My printer is a pain in the neck.  I have no problem with my computer - it seems to understand
English quite well, but the stupid printer is driving me crazy.  It just seems to forget it's purpose.
After I stop and restart, push buttons, cancel projects and restart them 20 times I am in a terrible
mood, ready to bark or bite at anything that crosses my path.The worst one is in FL so I only use
it when I'm visiting there (my daughter, some friends etc).  Apparently it doesn't like the times
when I leave it alone so it chews, spits or refuses to print when I'm there.  It is a stubborn.  When it does finally decide to work I can never figure out what did the trick.  I love computers, but printers are a whole different entity.  They have a union and they have blackballed me in FL. The one in CT does not know this and therefore works most of the time without a problem.  Except once when I
stayed in FL for 6 months.  When I got home the printer didn't recognize me or the computer
that was telling it to print.  I did finally get it work, by starting from scratch and reinstalling it.
If they would just talk to me and tell me their problems ie they're lonely, they missed me, the cat
scratched them, or the ink is low I would understand and take steps to remedy the situation, but
all I get is stone cold silence.  It's sad to be treated that way.  I threaten to take them to the dump
if they don't shape up, but the response is stone cold silence.  One of these days they will be
sorry that they didn't meet me half way at least.

Come to think of it my cats are a little aloof when I get home after a few weeks away from them,
 but usually only until bedtime when they join me in  bed, on my pillows and feet.  They have to
get very close to my face or hands and lie right on me until I turn over and they slide  a bit.
They get up sometimes, but return later, usually.