I have always loved to read - nearly everything except the sports section of the news papers. When I was young I read signs, comic books, short stories, magazines, cereal boxes, even labels on food and clothing and even the fine print on documents that my parents left hanging around or needed my excellent near-vision to decipher (both parents wore glasses as do I now, with bifocals). I am a person who waits patiently for appointments, service, airplane arrivals and departures and other events and activities occ . I always arrive early to wherever I'm going and read until the appropriate time. Most people don't notice me sitting there with my books or papers and so on occasion I am overlooked when it's my turn requiring me to then wait a little longer. I don't get angry, just pull out something to read again. I try to always have reading material with me especially small books and magazines like Reader's Digest that fit in my purse.
One thing I have always enjoyed since childhood is the comic's section in the newspapers and magazines. My father would get so annoyed with me for grabbing the comics section from him. When he started to give me and my sisters a weekly allowance (it was a weak allowance as well) I would sometimes buy Archie comic books (if I still had them they might be worth significant money today). I credit them with igniting my interest and pleasure in reading. But then I got old enough to go to the library by myself. It was near my school to and from which I walked so I would stop in after school and get 2 books. In those days they had a 2 book and 2 week limit with one renewal allowed. Sometimes I'd bring them back in a few days, if they were thick books a bit longer. I have to admit that my mother didn't supervise me much in that area and assumed all the book reading was an assignment for a book report or something. Usually it wasn't, but on those occasions when we were assigned a book report , I was ready before everyone else.
Is there a downside to all this reading? Yes, but not everyone who reads a lot will run into the downside part as I did. Of course the first thing is that it interfered with was homework assignments, as sometimes I didn't get homework assignments completed because I read too long into the evening or they were done in a shoddy, hurry-up manner. Another downside was that I became a rather introverted person with few friends other than my books. I did venture away from the comic books as I became more engrossed in the library books, but discovered daydreaming as a pastime. I became lost in some of the scenarios to the exclusion of outdoor activities. I don't know how detrimental that might have been because I wasn't overweight then. I was a skinny kid and never learned to play any sports and only had a few friends. The friend issue may have been affected
by frequent moves. We never stayed in the same school more than 2 years until we moved to CT and then grades 6,7& 8 were in the same school and my 4 years in HS were in the same school.
In my last year of high school I learned the joy of writing. My teachers were good, but didn't encourage creative writing only reports, and research etc. I first started a journal that same year though I didn't write regularly - just when I had a problem or was unhappy about something.
I have continued to read the Sunday, and daily comics (my guilty pleasure), and I am
sometimes teased about it. I am not impressed by the criticism or cleaver , negative comments. I see it as an entertainment with benefits. What are the benefits of reading comics? Well for one thing laughter which is a healthy activity that helps alleviate stress (temporarily - I know), encourages a sense of humor, presents different viewpoints and allows us to laugh at ourselves. For children it may entertain them, encourage a love of reading and help introduce them to reading as a method of research. When they have questions they can search for the answers on line to satisfy their curiosity about almost anything and that of course does require reading. The important factor here is the parent needs to supervise the selections and the amount of time spent reading books, comics or online articles and stories and even research . Even into high school the parents should supervise the online activities of their children for safety reasons as well. Once in college they'll be on their own and hopefully will be able to make intelligent, safe choices.
But I will never disparage comic books or newspaper funnies. I think they serve a purpose and can be an adjunct to learning and understanding life. I do not however advocate any comic book with a violent theme for anyone. I'm more of a "Sally Forth" or "For Better or Worse" and "Doonesbury" type of comic strip or book. If your point of reading is to escape to pleasure island why read about murder etc?
Musings of a retired nurse, mother of one and grandmother of 3. Doing some part time work editing papers and writing stories. I Worked 34 years mostly in L&D and newborn special care, taught childbirth education classes, and worked with the VNA and did home fetal monitoring for high risk patients. I feel privileged to have shared such wonderful and private moments with so many families. I do miss the work that I did, but not the stress I experienced so often.
Famous Seamus
Love that belly
Showing posts with label Something to think about. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Something to think about. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thoughts on a weddings
Weddings are a sort of fairly tale. Little girls who dream of being a princess but were not born to royalty or wealth see it as a sort of "Princess for a day". I think it is interesting that the word princess carries the feeling of youth, beauty sweetness, kindness and gentleness - much more so than the word queen which to me seems sort of harsh, controlling and unyielding. Both I believe may be due to the stories about royalty both in history and in current media, fiction or non-fiction.
There is also somewhat of a feeling of entitlement connected to the word princess (my little female cat Chloe is a good example) and sometimes used in a derogatory way toward demanding women who simply expect that things will be a certain way and accept nothing less. And sometimes the princess bride can behave accordingly, but is usually forgiven the indiscretions.
So it seems that weddings are really for the little girl still inside the woman.
For a man it may be his most generous gift to the woman he loves - going along with the pomp and circumstance mostly for her and sometimes pretending he's enjoying it. For the most part this seems to work well for many couples.
Second marriages and weddings seem to be more about sharing and hoping and making decisions together. I don't know this through research, but believe it more from observation.
Of course finances play a part in the festivities. Weddings can be so costly, but usually a couple can manage a gown and a suite for the bride and groom and a sit down dinner for at least a small number of guests. Thus making the bride and groom the royal couple for at least a few hours.
The symbolism of the white dress and veil suggesting innocence and purity adds to the mystique - though very few couples would actually meet that criteria. The parents of the couple get to see their daughter as a princess for that one short time or their son as the strong and loving prince who will protect and care for his bride and the children that may follow. Presumably both sets get to see the radiant happiness and tenderness between the couple that makes all parents get goosebumps
Sadly this is not always the case, but the dream is a nice one. Everyone at the wedding - guests, attendants, family members all share that dream at least for a day.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
What Am I Proud Of?
In my writing group yesterday we wrote about one thing that made us proud of ourselves. So I thought that would be a good idea for a blog. I have done lots of things that have made me happy, but proud or amazed? I just don't know. Some of my journal entries sound good to me and I am proud of them, but I don't share them with anyone. I did share one with my significant person (or SO for significant other in med. language). But he didn't look at the writing, or the message. He just said yeah well I think you dwell too much on that and should let it go. Which was much less than helpful. I was trying to let it go. By exploring it in my journal I hoped to disect it and look at the tiny parts as insignificant in my life and there by begin to heal and recover from the pain of the incident. I should have known that a man would not look that deep. I mean suggesting I get over it was not the issue. I wanted to get over it and for the most part I don't think of that event very often, but when I do, it still makes me cry. I'm trying to probe it, peel the layers and find the root and destroy that root. I love all these analogies, but metaphores leave me cold. I'm like that character "Bones" on TV though not even 10% as smart as she is. But I always think of metaphors in literal terms. I never know what the person is trying to say.
Anyway back to the analogies of my journal. I don't always use the analogies in my journal, it is the process of journaling and reliving the hurt that I use. The analogy is only my way of describing how the process helps heal emotional pain. My therapist likes using the medical model to describe the process, and I do too. It seems to make the process almost visual for me. But I can't explain this to my SO although I did try. But it was as lost on him as metaphors are on me. Leave it to a man to just make an emotional, painfully heartbreaking incident a "just get over it" situation.
So what did I do that I'm proud of? I wrote about getting myself through 5 years of nursing school (part time takes a little longer) as a single parent and graduating with high honors. I did have help from my mother and SO with care of my daughter. I don't know if it was great, but it was hard and I think my daughter paid a price for my education. I also think it was good for her in some ways: to see that if you miss the boat the first time you can go after it again (I know that's a metaphor but it seems to fit), to see that hard work can pay off, to learn that being a mom doesn't mean you give up yourself (she knows that better than I did), to remember that everyone needs help once in a while, and it's ok to ask (which she does better than I do), and as long as you really love your child and are able to put yourself in his or her place at least sometimes you'll probably be a good parent and raise an emotionally healthy child. At least I hope that's true. My daughter is now back in school studying social work. I think she'll be a good social worker someday.
Anyway back to the analogies of my journal. I don't always use the analogies in my journal, it is the process of journaling and reliving the hurt that I use. The analogy is only my way of describing how the process helps heal emotional pain. My therapist likes using the medical model to describe the process, and I do too. It seems to make the process almost visual for me. But I can't explain this to my SO although I did try. But it was as lost on him as metaphors are on me. Leave it to a man to just make an emotional, painfully heartbreaking incident a "just get over it" situation.
So what did I do that I'm proud of? I wrote about getting myself through 5 years of nursing school (part time takes a little longer) as a single parent and graduating with high honors. I did have help from my mother and SO with care of my daughter. I don't know if it was great, but it was hard and I think my daughter paid a price for my education. I also think it was good for her in some ways: to see that if you miss the boat the first time you can go after it again (I know that's a metaphor but it seems to fit), to see that hard work can pay off, to learn that being a mom doesn't mean you give up yourself (she knows that better than I did), to remember that everyone needs help once in a while, and it's ok to ask (which she does better than I do), and as long as you really love your child and are able to put yourself in his or her place at least sometimes you'll probably be a good parent and raise an emotionally healthy child. At least I hope that's true. My daughter is now back in school studying social work. I think she'll be a good social worker someday.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Halloween Memories
With Halloween approaching I thought I'd write about some of my Halloween memories.
For some strange reason I never really liked Halloween when I was little. I did the usual stuff - but grudgingly and mostly to please my mother and because my younger sister did not want to go alone. Sometimes my older sister went with us (my younger sister and me). She was in charge and rather bossy. My younger sister was a clown and silly and loved running up to the doors and yelling "Trick or treat". That was the part I hated. But she wouldn't go alone (I don't know if it was fear or shyness that held her back) so I had to go with her to each house. It was emotionally painful for me. I felt ridiculous and stupid with a stupid costume. I never wanted to be seen with either one of my sisters by my friends who were frequently unaccompanied by an adult or older sibling. I never liked the costumes either. I wanted to be something pretty, with a long dress and soft, long curly hair. That didn't happen. My hair was kind of long usually, but straight as a board, fly away and messy. I remember in school, the nuns always complaining that my hair was in my eyes and telling me to fix it. I never could please them.
As for costumes - they were always awful and I was always embarrassed to be seen in them. They were thrown together at the last minute most of the time, scratchy and not warm enough. But I think most of the dissatisfaction was because I was a fussy little kid who thought everything had to be exactly right or I wouldn't cooperate. I feel bad for my mother having to deal with the likes of me. I complained about everything.
But the promise of candy and other goodies called me to the streets so I developed a strategy to help me get some without having to call out the dreaded "trick or treat". I followed the groups of other kids in my neighbor at a respectful distance. As they would approach a home I would tag along a little bit behind and be at the door just after they yelled "trick or treat" which I thought was stupid and humiliating. Then the goodies would be passed out to all of us and we'd move on. My sister always wanted to yell the greeting, but I was not so inclined.
I did like running in the cold evening up and down the street from house to house, and I enjoyed the candy. Things went on like that for a few years - then I was done. I refused to go "trick or treating" any more. Instead I passed out the treats to the kids and enjoyed that a lot. I felt very grown-up and the little toddlers were so cute. I was maybe 10 or 11 and proud to be trusted by my mother to do a good job.
Once as a teenager we had a Halloween party, but it was kind of boring, and I was a bit embarrassed. I don't think I ever had a party again in my life. Looking back now I think I was a strange little kid.
Fast forward to the year my daughter was 4 or 5 yrs old and my sister and I took her 2 and my one and I think my older sister's son was also with us. He was about 4 also. We went to our old neighborhood where my mother still lived. My younger sister who was always a lot of fun and could be silly (I was always so serious) was dressed in a hobo costume and had blackened her face a little and borrowed an old hat from my father. She looked cute and she went with the kids as they walked around my mother's neighborhood. Strangely, my daughter refused to call out the trick or treat threat and did the same thing I did, tagging along at the end of a group (except this was a group of her cousins). She had a great time.
When we had finally worn out the kids. We went back to Grandma's house, and the kids had hot chocolate, hot cider, biscuits, muffins, hot dogs and some candy. I don't think any vegetables made it to the menu, but a good time was had by all especially my mother. Though she looked tired as we were leaving she was smiling.
For some strange reason I never really liked Halloween when I was little. I did the usual stuff - but grudgingly and mostly to please my mother and because my younger sister did not want to go alone. Sometimes my older sister went with us (my younger sister and me). She was in charge and rather bossy. My younger sister was a clown and silly and loved running up to the doors and yelling "Trick or treat". That was the part I hated. But she wouldn't go alone (I don't know if it was fear or shyness that held her back) so I had to go with her to each house. It was emotionally painful for me. I felt ridiculous and stupid with a stupid costume. I never wanted to be seen with either one of my sisters by my friends who were frequently unaccompanied by an adult or older sibling. I never liked the costumes either. I wanted to be something pretty, with a long dress and soft, long curly hair. That didn't happen. My hair was kind of long usually, but straight as a board, fly away and messy. I remember in school, the nuns always complaining that my hair was in my eyes and telling me to fix it. I never could please them.
As for costumes - they were always awful and I was always embarrassed to be seen in them. They were thrown together at the last minute most of the time, scratchy and not warm enough. But I think most of the dissatisfaction was because I was a fussy little kid who thought everything had to be exactly right or I wouldn't cooperate. I feel bad for my mother having to deal with the likes of me. I complained about everything.
But the promise of candy and other goodies called me to the streets so I developed a strategy to help me get some without having to call out the dreaded "trick or treat". I followed the groups of other kids in my neighbor at a respectful distance. As they would approach a home I would tag along a little bit behind and be at the door just after they yelled "trick or treat" which I thought was stupid and humiliating. Then the goodies would be passed out to all of us and we'd move on. My sister always wanted to yell the greeting, but I was not so inclined.
I did like running in the cold evening up and down the street from house to house, and I enjoyed the candy. Things went on like that for a few years - then I was done. I refused to go "trick or treating" any more. Instead I passed out the treats to the kids and enjoyed that a lot. I felt very grown-up and the little toddlers were so cute. I was maybe 10 or 11 and proud to be trusted by my mother to do a good job.
Once as a teenager we had a Halloween party, but it was kind of boring, and I was a bit embarrassed. I don't think I ever had a party again in my life. Looking back now I think I was a strange little kid.
Fast forward to the year my daughter was 4 or 5 yrs old and my sister and I took her 2 and my one and I think my older sister's son was also with us. He was about 4 also. We went to our old neighborhood where my mother still lived. My younger sister who was always a lot of fun and could be silly (I was always so serious) was dressed in a hobo costume and had blackened her face a little and borrowed an old hat from my father. She looked cute and she went with the kids as they walked around my mother's neighborhood. Strangely, my daughter refused to call out the trick or treat threat and did the same thing I did, tagging along at the end of a group (except this was a group of her cousins). She had a great time.
When we had finally worn out the kids. We went back to Grandma's house, and the kids had hot chocolate, hot cider, biscuits, muffins, hot dogs and some candy. I don't think any vegetables made it to the menu, but a good time was had by all especially my mother. Though she looked tired as we were leaving she was smiling.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Philosophy of Life
Do I have a philosophy of life? I'm not sure, I do know that if I have one it has changed a great deal over my lifetime. The changes came about through hard -learned lessons on life, love, parenting, and responsiblity. Some lessons were learned from life experiences, some from books, others from observations, many from stories my mother told me and some from animals and even some from televisions programs especially the ones like 20/20, 48 Hours, and Dateline.
I would almost like to write this as a poem, but poetry sometimes stumps me. So I write essay style and from my heart.
Being honest with oneself and others seems to come first. I learned this the hard way when I was very little, and fear seemed to rule my thoughts. It is important and at times difficult which brings me to my next little guide: do not use the pretense of honesty to hurt or embarass someone. If it is necessary to say something that is honest, but that will hurt, do it gently and privately. Which brings me to gentleness.
Be gentle with everyone - children, animals, eldrly people, spouses, friends, and neighbors and perhaps most importantly with one's self - not just physically gentle but verbally and emotionally gentle. People are fragile and most will appreciate a little sensitivity at a tough time.
Last of my philosophies is respect. We all appreciate respect and we all need give the same respect to life in all forms: people, environments, property, animals and each other. Respect is the lubricant that lets the wheels of civilization turn smoothly. Deborah Norville from the TV news program "Inside Edition" has written a book ( 2-3 years ago) about just this topic - respect. It should be required reading in all schools. Think how different the world might be if we could all simply respect each other.
I would almost like to write this as a poem, but poetry sometimes stumps me. So I write essay style and from my heart.
Being honest with oneself and others seems to come first. I learned this the hard way when I was very little, and fear seemed to rule my thoughts. It is important and at times difficult which brings me to my next little guide: do not use the pretense of honesty to hurt or embarass someone. If it is necessary to say something that is honest, but that will hurt, do it gently and privately. Which brings me to gentleness.
Be gentle with everyone - children, animals, eldrly people, spouses, friends, and neighbors and perhaps most importantly with one's self - not just physically gentle but verbally and emotionally gentle. People are fragile and most will appreciate a little sensitivity at a tough time.
Last of my philosophies is respect. We all appreciate respect and we all need give the same respect to life in all forms: people, environments, property, animals and each other. Respect is the lubricant that lets the wheels of civilization turn smoothly. Deborah Norville from the TV news program "Inside Edition" has written a book ( 2-3 years ago) about just this topic - respect. It should be required reading in all schools. Think how different the world might be if we could all simply respect each other.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)