Remembering my mother

Today I found some of my mother's belongings (she died in 2010). One item sort of touched me. It was a spiral bound notebook that I had given her with a sign on the front in large print saying "If you come to visit me and I'm sleeping, please wake me up. I can sleep anytime, but can't visit any time. If you can't bear to wake me then at least leave me a short note so I know you've been here." Sadly the visitors were mostly too shy to leave a note - only a few actually left one. I now have that notebook and finding it was like finding a small part of my mother. I did a lot for my mom, was truly her caretaker and significant person for many years and now she is gone. No one lives forever I know, and a part of me is glad that she is no longer suffering, but I truly wish her last years had been a little better. She was lonely, felt isolated and because of her poor hearing didn't have much conversation. But she refused to use a hearing aid so that part was her choice. That made it hard for her and our family to converse and feel a connection. When communication is absent or very difficult it usually gets even worse with time. And in my mother's case it did. But there were some good times. One of my best memories is the last birthday she had about 2 months before her death. I have written about that day in one of my journals and shared the story with some cousins. Perhaps I will write it here. It will lift the spirits of anyone who reads it.