Coping with the Aging Process

I am enjoying my weight loss, but I was up about 2lb on today's

weigh-in so I did my run, then went to Mystic and shopped (spent 

too much money on odds and ends that I needed.  I'll have to be a 

bit more careful next time.  I did go for a long walk, bought coffee

(iced and still sipping it), sat by the river and did some reading. It

is such a pleasure to read by the river on a mild day.  It was a little

hot, sun shining, light breeze, and just a few people on the other 

benches.  I would have liked a little shade, but there was none.

Still it was nice and restorative  then I headed to the grocery store

before heading home.  I've been cooking squash, cleaning, putting 

groceries away, reading and watching some TV news and other stuff.

I've also been feeding my squirrels, chipmunks, gopher, and of 

course the birds.  My cats do love watching the critters, but one cat,

Chloe, hogs the window with the best view.  She's my only female 

and a bit anxious so they (the other cats) tread carefully where she 

is concerned. They let her have her favorite place - no questions asked.

My friend is here, sleeping as usual.  He claims he sleeps fine at night,

but every time he is here he falls asleep in the chair and snores

loudly. I don't mind really, but sometimes I need to do some things

such as vacuuming and I don't want to wake him.  He'll soon be

working again so I try to ignore it for now.

It will soon be July and we will be half way through the year.  It does

seem that time passes more quickly as one ages.  I'm now 68 and 

thinking about what will change as I continue this process of aging.
 Maybe I don't want to know, or maybe I'd like just the good news
(but is there any).  I know that I still care about what people think of me,
 but not as much as I once did.  I don't want to be a weird old lady, or
a mean one, but this is unchartered territory for me as it is for everyone. I

did watch my parents and some friends and neighbors age. It's not
encouraging, but there are no alternatives.  I think the only

steps one can take are keeping physically active (forcing oneself

if necessary), challenging oneself intellectually IE reading, 

studying, trying new things (sewing, volunteering etc)  As yet I

have not volunteered, but I enjoy reading and writing as this

blog illustrates, and I belong to a writing group that meets once

a week on Fridays.  Some times we have lunch together afterward

at a local restaurant.  The writing group is a good exercise for my
writing interests because I don't get to choose the topic only the way I
want to address the topic that is  presented by the moderator.
I also have an online journal which I highly recommend.  It's easy,
has unlimited space,  has a free  version and an unlimited version
for a small annual fee.  If you are reading this and would like to try  an
online journal do a search there are so many to choose from you may find
it difficult to decide. The one I use is called  "Penzu".  You can have several
different journals if you choose and leave your journal to read after you
are gone from the earth which I think takes a lot of thought about who
will have the password for it.  But I can say that I wish I had something
from my mother - a letter or even a paragraph -- anything her own words
would mean so much to me.

Life in Florida

Back to FL

I am in FL visiting my daughter.  I never did move here permanently, but come to visit at least twice a year.  FL is not for me - at least not on permanent basis.  It's too hot in the summer, the traffic is
awful, the drivers are out to get other drivers (at least it seems that way) and I get lost too easily.
So I have decided to stay in CT and come to FL maybe once a year to visit my daughter for a few weeks.  I now get pet sitters which can be costly for an extended stay, but my alternatives are
limited.  If I got a house sitter who could just move in for a few weeks it would be great, but I'm
hesitent to have a stranger in my house.  I also don't know how to find someone who would be
willing to do this.  I'm a little worried about Craigs List and other services like that. So I'll have
to see what works out for me.  My kitties are safely at home with sitters who stop in daily and feed,
water, and clean the litterboxes and even give them some attention.  I miss them so much. I can't
wait to be home and have them sleeping on my bed.  Oops I need a new bed now.  Have to take
care of that as soon as I get home.

For the most part FL is a beautiful state, but it is hot in the summer - very, very hot, and my
cats are home and I'm missing them though I do have granny rites with my daughter's cat. She
is a sweet, gentle, affectionate kitty and I just love her, but my daughter won't give her up (to me of course) so I'll have to settle for visits with the cat when I visit my daughter.  Of course my grand-
children are there as well, but since they are now teens I find them less interested in talking to or visiting with me.  I'm not offended.  I understand that they have there own activities and lives
and I am only a part time person in their lives. I come and I go sometimes I write to them, but
seldom get a letter back.  That's ok too because they're teens.  They have school, friends, activities,
etc (the pool, and little jobs such as dog walking, baby sitting, etc as they are now teens).

This has been a working visit for me and I am tired.  Can't wait to be home.  In the mean time
everyone drive carefully.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce

So today divorce is on my mind.  I was not a child of divorce, but I often think I'd have been better

off if my parents had divorced.  The down side would have been poverty.  My father didn't make

enough money to support 2 families, and my mother didn't make enough money working as a nurse's

aid to fill the financial gaps.   So why am I talking divorce?  Because it has once again visited my

family, and I'm sad about it, but not very surprised.  Life is funny like that. 

 It is true that the kids do suffer from divorce - maybe more than the parents because parents either don't answer their questions or try to keep it all a secret until the last minute, or they speak negatively about their soon to be ex in an effort to absolve themselves of responsibility, at least in the eyes of the children.  All that part leading up to the actual separation ie different houses, cars, responsibilities, money settlements, visitation, school,  house rules etc (have I left anything out?) has to be worked out, but often the children are not prepared for how this works. They become very anxious because the parents don't tell them. They think they are protecting the children  from unhappiness and anxiety.  That is probably not true. We don't have to tell the kids everything, but enough so they feel like  things are taken care of.  They know they'll see both parents, probably live with one and visit the other,  they can call either parent when they need to, and visit either according to schedule or whim, but must communicate any plans to the parent who might not know the plan.  Stuff like that.  When the kids have some guidelines they feel safe ie all is being addressed so they can relax.   How do I know this?  Because I did it all wrong.  My daughter seems ok now, but I handled things badly mostly because I was young and uninformed and didn't have a lawyer, or a therapist to consult (no money for either).  I thought I was protecting her when I withheld information and to some extent that is true, but again we need to pay attention to the kids questions and if they can't be answered

honestly then explain that some things have yet to be decided ie "we're still working on that" and

maybe ask them what they think about something such as visits with the other parent, attending 

school, friends in school and more.   I think the most important thing is to talk to them, explain that things aren't written in stone and there may be many changes over the first few years until a pattern is

established.  But even that will change as needed when the kids change schools due to moving or to

moving up a grade (ie from elementary school to junior high etc) or a move to a different school district and therefore a new school.  Talk to the teachers so they understand what is happening to

the children and therefore may be more understanding of any late arrivals, absenteeism, and

forgetfulness due to worry and stress.  The teachers  might be more tolerant if they do understand

the issues the child is facing.  

When I grew up divorce was considered horrible, the Catholic church considered it sinful (maybe still due, but I'm not part of that anymore) and didn't talk about it even in a general sense in the Catholic school systems.  Maybe they do now, but not then.  So if you read this and it is at all relavant to your situatiion  and  it is also helpful then leave a comment for me.  If you have better ideas than the ones expressed here let me see them and I'll add them to the blog.

I think the most important part, though is to stress that the parents have respect for each other, and

let the kids know they are loved and will always have 2 parents who love them though they may live in separate houses.  I wish I'd been more informed about these things.  

Saying Goodbye

Still in FL, but getting ready for my escape.  It's been good visiting my daughter and family, but it is
now time to get going.  FL is vacation land, and vacations must end at some point.  That point is nearing and I'm making plans and packing etc.  I do have some sadness about leaving.  I wish my daughter lived closer to me, but she hates the cold and though I'm not fond of the winter in New England, I am also not appreciative of the summers in FL.  So midway through June is way too hot for me.  So I guess it will stay this way until I die or find I can't cope by myself, but that will be
a long time from now I hope.

The aging process is deceiving and difficult to predict when it will humble one.  Most Americans
grow up wanting to be independent, self-sufficient and resist admitting to needing help.  I'm no
different it seems, and that is the part of aging I dread.  I have been a saver all my life so I'm hoping I'll have enough money to pay people to do the things that I can't.  For now I'm fine, but the future
looms depressingly close.  Though my qualifications for giving advice are minimal,  I would like
to encourage everyone over 40 to begin planning for the times when one will be needing some assistance  - just for housekeeping and snow removal or rides to certain appointments and being
alone as in the surviving spouse.  Sometimes family is all that is needed and at other times paid
help will need to be considered.  So I hope this entry will encourage everyone to start thinking and planning for ones senior years.

Printer Tantrums

My printer is a pain in the neck.  I have no problem with my computer - it seems to understand
English quite well, but the stupid printer is driving me crazy.  It just seems to forget it's purpose.
After I stop and restart, push buttons, cancel projects and restart them 20 times I am in a terrible
mood, ready to bark or bite at anything that crosses my path.The worst one is in FL so I only use
it when I'm visiting there (my daughter, some friends etc).  Apparently it doesn't like the times
when I leave it alone so it chews, spits or refuses to print when I'm there.  It is a stubborn.  When it does finally decide to work I can never figure out what did the trick.  I love computers, but printers are a whole different entity.  They have a union and they have blackballed me in FL. The one in CT does not know this and therefore works most of the time without a problem.  Except once when I
stayed in FL for 6 months.  When I got home the printer didn't recognize me or the computer
that was telling it to print.  I did finally get it work, by starting from scratch and reinstalling it.
If they would just talk to me and tell me their problems ie they're lonely, they missed me, the cat
scratched them, or the ink is low I would understand and take steps to remedy the situation, but
all I get is stone cold silence.  It's sad to be treated that way.  I threaten to take them to the dump
if they don't shape up, but the response is stone cold silence.  One of these days they will be
sorry that they didn't meet me half way at least.

Come to think of it my cats are a little aloof when I get home after a few weeks away from them,
 but usually only until bedtime when they join me in  bed, on my pillows and feet.  They have to
get very close to my face or hands and lie right on me until I turn over and they slide  a bit.
They get up sometimes, but return later, usually.

Traveling with Cats

Right now I''m in FL visiting my daughter and her family.  For the most part it's good, but we do things differently and look at life differently.  Sometimes even our use of language is a bit different.  So we have some communication glitches.  This  time it will be only a short visit 3 weeks or a bit more if needed.  My grandchildren have finished the school year and are helping with some things around the house for their mom (as am I at times).   They are moving to another house and we're helping.It is an overwhelming task, but I'm pretty sure we'll get it done soon (before we head back to CT). My cats are home with paid attendants who stop in daily to feed  them and clean the litter boxes etc.  It isn't bad for a short stay, but expensive for a long visit (such as 3 weeks), but I love my kitties and bringing them with me would be rather stressful for them for such a short visit.  Most cats hate traveling in the car (although I have seen stories about cats who like it, even liking bus travel, but mine don't like any part of it and won't eat while traveling.  They seemed OK in the motel overnight though.,

The last time I visited my daughter was for 6 months so I brought the cats.  I flew them to FL, a
very expensive undertaking, but we took them in the car for the trip home.  We had 2 scares, both
were false alarms. I thought one was missing when we stopped at a roadside rest stop in GA. I was
terrified and despondent.  I couldn't leave without her. In addition it was a weekend so there would be no humane society workers available to try to trap her (using a "have-a-aheart' trap).  She is a timid little girl and would not have let anyone rescue her, but as it turned out she was in the cat carrier but with another cat and I couldn't see her behind him (both are white cats).  When I saw her finally I cried tears of joy. She was safe!!  The second scare was a cat hiding behind the dresser in the motel room.  We thought he had somehow escaped the room in the early morning.  We asked the housekeeping staff if they had seen a black cat and they came in the room and showed us one the
places where cats had been found, behind a heavy dresser, and there he was.  I think he might have
gotten stuck after he squeezed in was not able to get out.  That too brought tears to my eyes.  He seemed limp and drowsy as we tried to  gently pull him out which helped us not hurt him.  He
then purred loudly until we put him in the cat carrier.  The cats didn't eat or use the litter boxes
while in the car (we gave them the opportunity, but they declined - politely of course), but did
both in the hotels.  I was so happy and relieved when we got home with the cats - all 4 of them.
They remembered the house and location of the litter boxes and food dishes.  I thought that was good after a 6 months absence. But I don't want to travel with them any further than the vets office after
that trip.  Right now I do miss them very much and will be heading home soon.  Of course I will
miss my daughter, but  CT is my home.