Traveling

I'm heading to FL on Jan 4th. to visit my daughter and family.  I'll be there for a month. I think I'll carry a note book with me at all times so I can take notes on the funny things that happen and then have some material for this blog. My grandchildren are 11, 12, 13 and they are interesting and will be keeping me busy.  So the least they can do is provide me with material for my journal and blog and they do.  I know a lot of people don't like flying or merely tolerate it.  I love it.  I don't care for unexpected delays or nearly missed flights and running through airports, but that doesn't happen often. I almost always fly Southwest and they're good, though they sometime have some issues.  But the experience is great.  I always treat myself to a book for the trip.  This year it will be Joan Didion's latest Blue Nights.  I read one of her books about a year ago and I loved it.  I like the way she writes.  You are almost inside her brain with her descriptions of her feelings and thoughts and yet it still sounds familiar ie the "I've been there too" feeling. The other one I read was The Year of Magical Thinking written after her husband died
suddenly on Christmas Eve.  It received a lot of wonderful reviews and some awards.  When I finish the other one I'll let you know what I think of it. As always I would welcome some comments, even negative ones would be good.  It does take me a long time to get through a medium length book because I frequently read other things between the chapters of the book. I don't why I do that, but I suspect some attention deficit problems.  I was never understood in school because I couldn't listen long enough, or concentrate or follow instructions.  Ah those were the days - the days I'm happy to forget.  If you know some good books leave me the names.  Thanks

These are few of my favorite things.

 I'm passionate about a lot of things.  Maybe that makes me kind of intense and others kind of uncomfortable.  

Animals are my first passion (outside of all the people in my life).

Cats are next especially my own, but I love any cat I see.

I love dogs too, but especially the well behaved ones.  I enjoy the dog whisperer program because I learn so much.  But not having a dog means I can only practice on my cats.  They don't respond the same way as dogs.  They look at me like I'm crazy(they're not far off). 

I am very passionate about the color purple - not the movie the actual color.  I like lavender even more.  Orchid is lovely but a little to pinkish sometimes. 

I also adore shiny jewelry.  It doesn't have to be expensive such as diamonds. The only real diamond I ever had was my engagement ring and that is long gone now.  Crystal is beautiful, pearly things are also a favorite and things called "mother of pearl".

In the last few years I've really learned to love birds. I like to hear them chirp, even if they wake me up. I like to see them feed in my yard.  Today I had 11 squirrels and 10 birds - morning doves and some small grey bird that was very cute. Yesterday I had 4 crows, blue jays every day, and once in a while some seagulls visit.  One of them had an injured foot.  I didn't think any one would be able to catch him though (in order to help him)  because he could still fly quite well. 

Next it's clouds.  I wrote a whole journal entry about clouds once. I love fluffy white clouds on a blue sky, black clouds on a grey sky, big mountainous clouds and little wispy ones.  Sunny days with passing blackish clouds are interesting and not often seen so I do appreciate them when I see them.  

I can't go without mentioning mimosa trees (the drink isn't too bad either).  They are so beautiful, colorful and the bright pink to reddish flowers smell wonderful.  In fact I've looked for mimosa perfume for years (once I had some from Coty, but they no longer make it).  It is a very sweet sort of exotic smell that is hard to describe. I had one in my front yard, but something happened to it after a heavy rain and it began to split and eventually died.  I think we should have had it pruned at the right time to prevent the splitting, but I didn't know enough about it.

There are probably more things that I am passionate about, but I can't think of them right now.  But this was really fun to just write about what I love and feel passionate about.  

I did leave one thing out.  I love little babies and toddlers.  I love to talk to them and ask them silly questions to hear what they say. But one has to be careful about that sort of thing because if you don't know the mom she's likely to think you're dangerous and rush off with the baby.  And of course babies are another thing I love.  I don't see enough of them now that I'm not working in the hospital. Tiny babies and older ones - they're all great and sweet and just amazing. I often wish I'd had more of my own.  (during moments of insanity I guess).

And lastly, but as the saying goes not least my grandchildren are 3 of my favorite things. Wonderful, funny, sweet, and sometimes fresh, but always special to me.  I am passionate about their futures, passionate about their lives now, their schooling, their extra things IE music lessons, swimming, parties.  I want their lives to be perfect, better than mine, and better than their mom's and dad's lives.  I don't know how much of what I want will actually come to pass - but I want it desperately. Yet I know there is little perfection on this earth except things that man doesn't affect (what would that be???). . 

I also like snowflakes - not snow as in falling, but the single snowflake that looks like lace which I also love.

But this would be a good exercise for everyone and should make you smile while you write.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Only a few days to go

Christmas really will be here soon.  I hope the generosity that has started to spread through our country continues.  It was nice to hear about the secret santas who paid off "lay-a-ways" in Walmart and KMart. I wish I could so some of that too.  But right now is not a good time for me.  I hope I can make up for it when I'm in a better position financially.  I really believe that Oprah Winfrey was a major factor in the generosity this year even though her show is off the air. Her network continues to set the example and spread the word.  Our country has been through some tough times.  People like to say that we all survived it, but I know that is an exaggeration.  Some made it through the depression, some barely survived and some suffered horribly until they died and were then at peace.  Children were the worst hit and are the worst sufferers today.  Homelessness, hunger, sometimes left alone, separated from their siblings, waiting in foster care for adoption- hoping against all hope. The sadness, the deprivation, the fear, are terrible to be experienced by little children.  Even animals are suffering from the economy yes, but also from the humans who leave their houses without the animals and let them slowly starve to death. And property laws won't allow anyone to take them home (what craziness is that?)  I don't know what the answer is, but I see the problem and I see the Senate and House doing little to help - they are fighting to gain seats, push their own agendas, to win nominations, elections - everything but help their constitutents.  Would they behave differently if their survival depended on coming to a consensus and helping the nation?  I really don't know.  I do know they don't care about anyone other than themselves.  I presume one day they will have to answer to a "higher power" for their behaviors as we all wil someday . And in the meantime the "beat goes on".

A Million Dollars

In my writing group yesterday we were asked to write about what we would do with a million dollars.  I thought he meant how would we give it away or who would we help.  I think I misunderstood because most of the ladies said they would take a trip, pay off the mortgage, help their children buy a car, piece of land, pay for  college etc.  Many also mentioned helping strangers in one way or another. 

I thought that I was supposed to give it all away so I did.  I took my fantasy money and formed a fantasy charitable foundation whose purpose would be to help families and individuals who "fall through the cracks" ie they don't quite qualify for any assistance but are in a desparate or just very difficult financial situation.  I've actually been in that situation once and the only thing I qualified for was free lunch for my daughter.  However at the school she attended they did not have a lunch program. So we still had to pack her lunch and buy the items needed for it. But thankfully I had family who helped until I recovered and went back to work. 

But if I could do anything I wanted with the money, I'd pay off some bills like my mortgage, buy a better car, and maybe fund a retirement account,  visit the Galapagos Islands and then start a foundation.  This foundation should have some way of generating income so it can remain independent.  Then  I would continue to help people and still receive donations as well.  Gee maybe I could work there and receive a modest salery thus solving my unemployment problem.  Sounds good.
It's nice to dream once in a while and this is the season for dreams.  I wish everyone who might read this a very merry Christmas and may your dreams come true as well.

Book Review "The Daily Coyote"

Some time ago I read a book that I couldn't put down.  It wasn't a mystery, or spy story etc.  It was, of course, an animal story.  I love animals and their stories of rescue, escapades and almost anything with mention of an animal in it.  This one was  The Daily Coyote  by Shreve Stockton.  It is an amazing story of a young woman who was driving across country on  what  I think was  a small motor cycle  or scooter from CA to the east coast. On her journey she stops in  a tiny town in Wyoming and likes it so much she decides to stay, rents a house and meets some of the town's residents.  What starts the real story is a serendipitous encounter with a tiny baby coyote.  And so begins her blog "The Daily Coyote"  which starts out for family and friends and eventually turns into a very popular blog, and then a book.   The book is sprinkled with wonderful photos of the coyote as he grows and meets the cat she has and some dogs etc and a few scary incidents as well.   As she settles into her new dwelling she meets and falls in love with a town resident who lives nearby.  The book has a little bit of everything in it. 

The author studied journalism and photography in college and has other books to her credit (one is a cookbook for gluten free cooking).  I really enjoyed this book. It's an easy read and hard to put down.  It is available in paperback and hardcover on Amazon.  I'd recommend it for anyone over 15 or so. 

I would recommend this book for animal lovers and also for people who are considering a career in journalism or writing of any kind because she demonstrates (without lecturing on  it) the need for discipline in a self-directed career.  It might even make a good last minute Christmas gift for any readers and animal lovers on your list.

 Currently Miss Stockton is working on another book which I am happily awaiting. 

If anyone reads or has red this please send me your comments.  I'd love to hear what someone else thinks.  I'll post some on this blog. 

Thoughts on a weddings

Weddings are a sort of fairly tale. Little girls who dream of being a princess but were not born to royalty or wealth see it as a sort of "Princess for a day". I think it is interesting that the word princess carries the feeling of youth, beauty sweetness, kindness and gentleness - much more so than the word queen which to me seems sort of harsh, controlling and unyielding. Both  I believe may be due to the stories about royalty both in history and in current media, fiction or non-fiction. 

There is also somewhat of a  feeling of entitlement connected to the word princess (my little female cat Chloe is a good example) and sometimes used in a derogatory way toward demanding women who simply expect that things will be a certain way and accept nothing less.  And sometimes the princess bride can behave accordingly, but is usually forgiven the indiscretions.

So it seems that weddings are really for the little girl still inside the woman.

For a man it may be his most generous gift to the woman he loves - going along with the pomp and circumstance mostly for her and sometimes pretending he's enjoying it. For the most part this seems to work well for many couples.

Second marriages and weddings seem to be more about sharing and hoping and making decisions together. I don't know this through research, but believe it more from observation.

Of course finances play a part in the festivities. Weddings can be so costly, but usually a couple can manage a gown and a suite for the bride and groom and a sit down dinner for at least a small number of guests. Thus making the bride and groom the royal couple for at least a few hours.

The symbolism of the white dress and veil suggesting innocence and purity adds to the mystique - though very few couples would actually meet that criteria. The parents of the couple get to see their daughter as a princess for that one short time or their son as the strong and loving prince who will protect and care for his bride and the children that may follow. Presumably both sets get to see the radiant happiness and tenderness between the couple that makes all parents get goosebumps

Sadly this is not always the case, but the dream is a nice one. Everyone at the wedding - guests, attendants, family members all share that dream at least for a day.

Princess Chloe Visits the Doctor

Today I took Chloe to the veterinarian. I outsmarted her by hiding the carrier in the tub, pulling the shower curtain to hide it and not mentioning it to her. I couldn't even think about what was in store for her because she reads minds at least she reads my mind. She just knows. When I just look at her sometimes and I'm thinking about picking her up she runs. Sometimes she runs just when I talk to her. At other times she lies on the floor and shows me her tummy for some rubs and purrs like an engine. Sometimes she runs when she sees me coming down the hall for no good reason unless she's reading my mind. Anyway I got hold of her and brought her into the bathroom fairly easily (I kept thinking about having a cup of coffee). The minute I closed the door she started howling and meowing loudly. I managed to get her into the carrier and close it and lock it. The rest wasn't too bad although she howled a lot in the car. In the office she was obviously frightened , but held still for the exam with pupils widely dilated. She does have some yeast inf. in her ears that I'm treating now but otherwise she is pretty healthy. I wasn't surprised about the infection because she's been  shaking her head a little more than the others do.

It took her a few hours to forgive and forget and let me touch her, but when she did she was so sweet and purred so loudly I knew she forgave me and was OK.

Then came the second dose of ear drops.  Did not go over well at all and she is now in hiding. But I'm heading to bed shortly, and I bet she sleeps on my bed tonight. She likes company when it's dark.  I'll keep you posted on Princess Chloe's response to the ear drops. 

Winter Is Here

I know we started the  2011-12 winter off with a Nor'easter, Alexander (Dec.13) I think was the name.  But then we had some nice days and the snow seemed to disappear quickly.  The electricity took much longer to return.  We've had some wonderful days with blue skies, even sweater weather, but today not so much.  I think winter is warning us.  It's coming, and I just don't see the need for it.  My hands and feet are freezing, the blood has left them for warmer parts and so has the color.  I now have bluish, yellowish white fingers and toes courtesy of Renaud's disease and I'm not even outside.  I keep the heat low in my house  because I'm unemployed, and I need to be careful with money.  I do tend to bundle up and wear sweaters, but my hands and feet don't seem to know I'm wearing extra clothing.  Well enough complaining, eventually I'll move to FL to be near my daughter and keep my hands  and feet warm.

In New England I've noticed that the fall colors aren't as vibrant as they usually are this time of the year.  My friend says it's because of Hurricane Irene and the salt spray as that lady came ashore in New England. I've also noticed a lot of vines and weeds in my yard, but that's another story.  My back yard animal menagerie doesn't seem to mind the weeds as long as the food keeps coming.  And my cats continue to enjoy the squirrel TV. 

New Topic.  I'm watching and listening to the Celtic Women on PBS TV while I write this.  It's such beautiful music and such a wonderful visual experience that it's hard to keep my mind on my writing.The funny part is that I'm recording it too so I should be able to ignore it and do some work, but....  It's so hard.  They have a children's group singing with them for some of the performances and they are good and so cute.  I would love to see them in person someday.   For now though TV is OK.

I would talk about Christmas, but except to suggest a Celtic Women CD or DVD would make a great gift for many people, I'm going to leave Christmas for another day. Of course I wish all a wonderful Christmas and happy New Year.  Shop early it's good for the economy (maybe not yours, but for the country at least.)

60 Minutes

I just watched 60 Minutes this morning.  I always tape it (although the football schedule sometimes interferes with that -- did I mention that I hate football? and all other televised sports except ice skating?).   Last evening's episode was a sort of wake-up call.  Interviews with homeless families.  I think they were all in central FL, and resulting from the housing construction crash 2 years ago.  They interviewed some young kids around 7 to maybe 13.  It was sad of course, but also thought provoking.  I have lost my job (Jan 2010), and money is tight.  I'm using my IRA's since my unemployment ran out. But I am lucky and in a few months I will be able to collect my pension and next year my social security. If this had happened to me while my daughter was very young I'm not sure how I would have handled it.  I was divorced when she was 6 yr old and my ex was not regular with child support and the alimony wasn't enough for gas for a week.  I had just finished nursing school and found a job and an apartment near my mother.  She was a big help and in the end I helped her too with my father (he had Alzheimer's disease) and later took care of her as she aged.  She died in Feb 2010 just after I lost my job and income.  I'm not glad that I lost my job, but glad that it didn't happen any sooner.  I would have liked the 2-3 more years at a decent salery to improve my retirement income, but still I should be ok. Right now things are tight, and I won't be able to travel the way I dreamed I might , but I am not living in my car, I have more than adequate food, a cell phone, computer and internet service and a car I drive rather than live in.  Watching that program though was hard and sad.  Situations like that cause the little kids to grow up so much faster than they should have to. We all think the government should take care of things like that, but many state and local governments are nearly bankrupt too.  Somewhere in my heart I think that greed is what got us into this situation, everyone's and I know that I'm part of that too.  Oprah's programs were such an inspiration to so many and I think she's continuing that into her network, although I haven't watched it a lot. 

Working with friends

Well my cold seems to be getting better, but I still have the runny nose, headache, and I'm tired.  Worked with a friend all day in the house I'm trying to sell.  We put up cabinets (new ones of course).  We got the top cabinets installed.  We will get to the others in a few days I think.  In between there are so many things to do.  Plus I'm like driving blind.  I know nothing about carpentry.  My friend tells me that I don't even hold the hammer right - too close to the part that hits the nail, but my aim isn't good and I need the control of the shorter space.  I don't think I'm explaining this very well.  We don't really speak the same language.  I speak female, nurse, mother, he speaks carpenter, trades worker, male.  I never know what he's trying to say.  He also gets cranky and sarcastic and then I cry.  He doesn't like that either, but he can never figure out what's wrong.  His tone of voice is always a little nasty or angry and that sets me off too.  I have decided that when this project is completed I will never work with him again in this way.  I don't like being treated this way.  He says he doesn't mean anything by it, but I don't care. I just don't like it and see no need for it.  When people work together on a project they should be polite and civil to each other.  He says guys aren't like that and I should get over it.  I keep telling him in case he didn't notice I'm not a guy. I think men just aren't civilized. I blame their parents who tried to make them be tough little boys and created monsters.  They are mean to each other too (men and little boys).  Well I suppose I should get off my soap box and calm down.  It's not like we hate each other, but we just don't interact the same way.  I should learn to ignore him, but I'm not sure I  have that much self-control.  Something inside me always snaps after enough snippy remarks from him.  In the mean time I'm trying to be so tactful when I ask him a question so I won't provoke that response, but it always happens.  I think the answer is not to work together.  And that is my resolution for future projects. 

I hope you all had great Thanksgiving and didn't eat too much. (We pay for that later) Right now I need a small glass of wine, maybe 2.

Good wishes

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving.  I have a cold and cough, but I did have a nice day.  I just hope I didn't infect anyone else.  We had a nice quiet dinner with friends and family members.  There were no kids there, though.  That was too bad because I always like to see little kids.  There were 4 dogs though and they were sweet.  A little noisy, but still I liked them.  Right now I'm heading to bed because I'm still coughing a lot and I have a headache so a little brandy and some rest might help.  I'll write some more in a few days when I feel better.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

With Thanksgiving less then a week away I thought I'd write something related to the holiday.  I've had some sad and life changing events in my life in the last 2 years, and sometimes I have to remind myself not to dwell on the bad, but remember the good and the positive. 

To begin with I had problems at work in 2009.  I took a leave of absence in Sept. Then in 2010 my mother died. She was 91 years old and for the last year had lived in an extended care facility.  I had been her soul care giver for the previous 9-10 years and it was a very emotional time for me.  Torn between grief and relief that her suffering had finally ended and guilt for feeling the relief.  One month after that I lost my job.  I was diagnosed with depression and started on medication and counseling.  I was able to collect unemployment comp. for a time.  I applied for jobs in various places, but no luck.  Hospitals are reluctant to hire someone my age spend money to orient them to new surroundings (even at entry level pay it's expensive), proceedures, and policies only to have them leave in a year or 2 to retire.  I had been in the middle of renovating my mother's home with the help of a good friend, but the expense was great.  My plan was to renovate and bring the house up to code and move into her home then do the same for mine, but sell it when the work was completed. 

So maybe you are wondering  why am I writing all this bad stuff if I'm talking about gratitude?  Because I am well aware that as bad as things were and are I know they could be so much worse.  I could be sick; I could be losing my home; I could be homeless and living on the streets. I have no mortgages on either house but one home equity loan on my home that is helping to pay for the renovations on both houses. From the time my daughter went away to school I worked 3 to 5 jobs at any given time and saved most of that mone in IRA, and mutual funds so although I'm depleting my savings I'm not starving, or homeless. I have everything I need and a lot that I don't need. I have medical insurance (which is costly, but I'm glad I have it) through COBRA.  I also know that in April I begin collecting my pension from the hospital where I used to work. I have no small children to worry about (3 cats though) and I'm planning to move to FL to be near her when my houses are finished and sold (I hope I can sell them). 

So when I begin to feel sorry for myself (and I do sometimes, mostly because I miss my old job and the girls with whom  I worked for some 34 years) I remind myself that I have much for which to be grateful.  It is easy to fall into that habit of feeling sorry for myself and sink into despair.  This is not how I expected to end my career, and if I had been able to continue working even one year longer I would be so much better off. And even though I can start to collect my pension at 65, thanks to new social security rules I have to wait until 66 to collect that.  With both incomes I would be comfortable so I'll be another 2 years before I can breathe a little easier. I worry a lot, talk to myself a lot and remind myself that I will be ok, not wealthy, but safe in my home, near my daughter, and able to afford food, meds etc.  Travel may not be an option, but maybe short trips could be doable.  In addition to all of that I see a therapist who has been wonderful and a great help to me.  She is not just someone who listens and asks "how does that make you feel?.  She guides me, explains things like human nature and defense mechanisms that people use, and points out changes that she sees in me that are helpful and positive. I've grown with her assistance, and I hope I continue to grow to get over my losses and move on and find other things I'd like to do.  And of course there is always reading  and writing.  Both of which help me heal and grow.

Back Yard Menagerie

Short note here.  I now have 2 possums and 2 neighborhood cats visiting my back yard.  Miss or I guess I should say Princess Chloe is not fond of either one, which is demonstrated by the banshee screams and hisses.  More tomorrow.

Is it madness or vision

"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness." - Aristotle

The above quote is the topic of tonight's blog.  I get some quotes from 2 or 3 other newsletters.  This one was sent to me by the folks at Penzu online journal.  It's a great site.  They offer online  journaling for free and with a fee you can upgrade to more features.  The fee is quite reasonable $19 a year for unlimited journaling and  setting up several journals. For example one might be for health, one for notes to save, one for regular journal entries , one might be stories about your kids or pets, or stories you like to write. They have good security measures so your privacy is protected.  You can even email an entry if you like. It's all up to you.  I'm not promoting this for any fee, but because I belong and I like it. You can try it for free for as long as you like and eventually try the upgrade or not.  I have one journal for letters I write to my mother.  She died almost 2 years ago, but as things happen that I wish she were here to see and hear about I write her a letter just as if she were alive.  I don't know if one can read letters from the afterlife, but after I write the letter I feel so much better.  I ever write when I have a problem.  It's almost as though she's listening quietly. But that's how I use Penzu journal; you can use it anyway you like. 

But the quote above is what I'm writing about tonight. (I'll repeat it so you don't have to look back.)

"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness." - Aristotle 
Aristotle may have been a brilliant man, but I'm not sure about this quote - although he did say a touch of madness.  But there may be a touch of madness in more than half the people in the world (just a guess).  Depends on what exactly is a "touch" and what is one's definition of madness.  Is it diagnosed mental illness?  Or is it just the way people describe anyone who is different, brilliant, distracted by the sights and sounds around them, intense and what all. Of course in the time of Aristotle I'm not sure people really knew what madness was except for the extrememly disoriented individuals.  But some madness can be more subtle.  I think the idea of madness comes into play when someone is close to a discovery that people believe to be either impossible, or extremely unlikely, or amazing and the mere fact that this someone is working on something that others believe impossible means he has a touch of madness unless he's right and it all works out.  Then they sing his praises.  But thinking about some of the amazing discoveries like electricity, air travel, submarines, travel to space and the discovery of America and a round world, I can sort of understand why they might have been thought of as slightly off center when working on these discoveries.  So maybe he was right not that they were a little crazy, but that they were thought of that way.  Thus Mr. Aristotle was partly right.  It takes a little madness to imagine some of these things even if they are eventually proven to be possible.  After cell phones and the internet, I can't imagine what is next to be discovered  that isn't an upgrade of an earlier invention etc.  But I hope I live long enough to see it.

Waking up

If you have trouble getting up in the morning and your alarm clock doesn't do the trick as you push the pause button several times, I have a suggestion.  Get some cats.  I have always had cats in my life, and from sleeping on my head, shoulder or stomach to loud meowing they have interfered with my sleep way too much.  But they do make good little alarm clocks at times, especially when they are hungry.  Howling from another room works well as I worry that something is wrong, but after many false alarms I then learned to just call them or whistle and turn over and get back to sleeping. That works for a short time.At other times I  think that they just want to make sure I'm not dead.  They hop on the bed and put their little noses into my face and sniff me sometimes (not all at the same time of course; they take turns and shifts). I think maybe they think I'm dead, or they're saying good morning, get up now!  Real time doesn't exist for them only the time when they want something.  I am of course a willing slave most of the time, but even I have my limits.  When I don't get enough sleep I can't concentrate on reading, remember what I'm supposed to be doing or find things. Even watching TV is hard to master when I'm sleep deprived. So I'm learning techniques for decreasing their interruptions (closing the door not being one of them) such as grabbing whoever disturbs me and holding him under the covers and subjecting him to kisses and hugs (they all hate that).  Getting up and falling asleep on the couch and leave them in the bed until they find me, then traipsing back to bed and hiding under the covers while they walk on my body or do the kneading thing. I know that people who aren't owned by cats or dogs or any other creatures (children too) don't understand what I'm talking about and would never put up with that nonsense, but (and it is a big but) for the ones who are owned by their pets they totally understand. 

After the sleep disturbances comes the alarm subject, and with cats there is one thing that will get me out of bed in a single heartbeat - the early warning sound of a cat throwing up (a hairball usually)on new carpeting just outside my bedroom.  I'm up and out of bed faster than a lightening flash.  Why you ask.  Because the sooner you get it cleaned the more likely you are to get it all and not have a stain left.  Some things we do for love and some things just because we have to.  This is in the have to category. It happened this morning and none of the kitties will own up to committing the offence either.  Because there are 2 white cats one with very long hair and one short haired, and a medium haired ginger colored cat I can sometimes figure out who goes in the "dog house", but for some reason this morning there wasn't much hair to clue me in.  So I woke up early, cleaned up the spot, and got on with my day. But of course I had to share this story with an appreciative audience (I hope).  Now go kiss your pets.

What Am I Proud Of?

In my writing group yesterday we wrote about one thing that made us proud of ourselves. So I thought that would be a good idea for a blog. I have done lots of things that have made me happy, but proud or amazed?  I just don't know.  Some of my journal entries sound good to me and I am proud of them, but I don't share them with anyone.  I did share one with my significant person (or SO for significant other in med. language). But he didn't look at the writing, or the message.  He just said yeah well I think you dwell  too much on that and should let it go.  Which was much less than helpful.  I was trying to let it go.  By exploring it in my journal I hoped to disect it and look at the tiny parts as insignificant in my life and there by begin to heal and recover from the pain of the incident.  I should have known that a man would not look that deep.  I mean suggesting I get over it was not the issue.  I wanted to get over it and for the most part I don't think of that event very often, but when I do, it still makes me cry.  I'm trying to probe it, peel the layers and find the root and destroy that root.  I love all these analogies, but metaphores leave me cold.  I'm like that character "Bones" on TV though not even 10% as smart as she is. But I always think of metaphors in literal terms. I never know what the person is trying to say.
Anyway back to the analogies of my journal.  I don't always use the analogies in my journal, it is the process of journaling and reliving the hurt that I use.  The analogy is only my way of describing how the process helps heal emotional pain.  My therapist likes using the medical model to describe the process, and I do too.  It seems to make the process almost visual for me. But I can't explain this to my SO although I did try.  But it was as lost on him as metaphors are on me.  Leave it to a man to just make an emotional, painfully heartbreaking incident  a "just get over it" situation. 

So what did I do that I'm proud of?  I wrote about getting myself through 5 years of nursing school (part time takes a little longer) as a single parent and graduating with high honors. I did have help from my mother and SO with care of my daughter.  I don't know if it was great, but it was hard and I think my daughter paid a price for my education.  I also think it was good for her in some ways:  to see that if you miss the boat the first time you can go after it again (I know that's a metaphor but it seems to fit), to see that hard work can pay off, to learn that being a mom doesn't mean you give up yourself (she knows that better than I did), to remember that everyone needs help once in a while, and it's ok to ask (which she does better than I do), and as long as you really love your child and are able to put yourself in his or her place at least sometimes you'll probably be a good parent and raise an emotionally healthy child.  At least I hope that's true.  My daughter is now back in school studying social work.  I think she'll be a good social worker someday.

Halloween

So Halloween came and went and preparations were not appreciated by many.  I had maybe 6 kids altogether who came in pairs so the doorbell rang maybe 4 times so maybe 8 kids came to the door.  With 4 bags of chocolate candies: peanut butter cups and KitKats there was much left over.  The kids were nice and polite and I gave them each 2 bars of each type. Then the night was over.  I had to put the leftover candy in the freezer to keep from eating it myself.  Out of site - out of mind premise. I loved to see the smallest ghosts and goblins, but they're all cute.  Even the teens were cute and friendly.  There just weren't enough of them.  Maybe I got started a little late because we went out for a quick bite before we were ready for the onslaught so we must have missed a few kids.   So here I sit, trying to forget about the candy, and wishing I had the money that I spent on it. Maybe Halloween parties are the way to go.  At least you can count a certain range in the number of people who show up depending on the number invited and plan accordingly. 

I don't remember having a party when I was a kid, but we used to do candy apples, small napkins filled with candy, nuts, raisons and fruit (apples, grapes etc.) We'd tie them up with ribbon and we seemed to enjoy that more than the trick or treat activities.  My cousins always got pillow cases filled with all kinds of stuff.  At the end of the night they'd open the bags and count everything.  They always hauled a load.  My sisters and I were too far apart in age to enjoy much of the evening together.  But we all seemed to enjoy the little kids even when we were little kids too. Nothing like being 5 years old and thinking a 3 yr old is so adorable and cute and little and silly.  A few times I've seen some 7 month old babies dressed up and carried around or pushed in a stroller to each of the houses.  Some were smiling and some were scared and crying.   I always wanted to hold them, but knew better than to ask for that!  I never let my daughter go to a different neighborhood, but you wouldn't believe how many came to mine from other neighborhoods.  I thought it was dangerous then and I still think so especially those who were not  accompanied by their parents.

In any case I'm glad it's over and done with.  Now I can focus on something else like Thanksgiving and Christmas and a visit to Lauren and staying with her for a several weeks.  I'm not looking forward to that part, but I'll go and do my best.  More about that tomorrow.  In the mean time hide the candy.

Halloween Memories

With Halloween approaching I thought I'd write about some of my Halloween memories.

For some strange reason I never really liked Halloween when I was little.  I did the usual stuff - but grudgingly and mostly to please my mother and because my younger sister did not want to go alone.  Sometimes my older sister went with us (my younger sister and me). She was in charge and rather bossy.  My younger sister was a clown and silly and loved running up to the doors and yelling "Trick or treat".  That was the part I hated.  But she wouldn't go alone (I don't know if it was fear or shyness that held her back) so I had to go with her to each house.  It was emotionally painful for me.  I felt ridiculous and stupid with a stupid costume.  I never wanted to be seen with either one of my sisters  by my friends who  were frequently unaccompanied by an adult or older sibling.  I never liked the costumes either.  I wanted to be something pretty, with a long dress and soft, long curly hair.  That didn't happen.  My hair was kind of long usually, but straight as a board, fly away and messy. I remember in school, the nuns always complaining that my hair was in my eyes and telling me to fix it.  I never could please them.

As for costumes - they were always awful and I was always embarrassed to be seen in them. They were thrown together at the last minute most of the time, scratchy and not warm enough.  But I think most of the dissatisfaction was because I was a fussy little kid who thought everything had to be exactly right or I wouldn't cooperate.  I feel bad for my mother having to deal with the likes of me.  I complained about everything. 

But the promise of candy and other goodies called me to the streets so  I developed a strategy to help me get some without having to call out the dreaded "trick or treat". I followed the groups of other kids in my neighbor at a respectful distance.  As they would approach a home I would tag along a little bit behind and be at the door just after they yelled "trick or treat" which I thought was stupid and humiliating.  Then the goodies would be passed out to all of us and we'd move on.  My sister always wanted to yell the greeting, but I was not so inclined.

I did like running in the cold evening up and down the street from house to house, and I enjoyed the candy.  Things went on like that for a few years - then I was done.  I refused to go "trick or treating" any more. Instead I passed out the treats to the kids and enjoyed that a lot.  I felt very grown-up and the little toddlers were so cute. I was maybe 10 or 11 and proud to be trusted by my mother to do a good job.

Once as a teenager we had a Halloween party, but it was kind of boring, and I was a bit embarrassed.  I don't think I ever had a party again in my life.  Looking back now I think I was a strange little kid.

Fast forward to the year my daughter was 4 or 5 yrs old and my sister and I took her 2 and my one and I think my older sister's son was also with us. He was about 4 also. We went to our old neighborhood where my mother still lived. My younger sister who was always a lot of fun and could be silly (I was always so serious) was dressed in a hobo costume and had blackened her face a little and borrowed an old hat from my father. She looked cute and she went with the kids as they walked around my mother's  neighborhood.  Strangely,  my daughter refused to call out the trick or treat threat and did the same thing I did, tagging along at the end of a group (except this was a group of her cousins).  She had a great time.

When we had finally worn out the kids. We went back to Grandma's house, and the kids had hot chocolate,  hot cider, biscuits, muffins, hot dogs and some candy.  I don't think any vegetables made it to the menu, but a good time was had by all especially my mother. Though she looked tired as we were leaving she was smiling.

I'm a Happy Grandma

I like to think that my granddaughter and I have a good relationship, but what I think is not as important as what she thinks.  I have 3 grandchildren - one boy, 2 girls they are stepping stones right now 11,12, 13 almost (Nov).  The middle one shares my birthday.  The girls seem closer to me than my grandson.  I know he loves me, but he is in his own little world a good part of the time.  We talk on the phone sometimes and do things together when I'm visiting them (they live in FL, I'm in CT) about 2-4 times a year.  It was more difficult before I lost my job trying to get vacation time, and buying airline tickets, early enough to get a good deal had me in a precarious position because I had to buy them before  the time was posted.  But being unemployed makes arrangements easier, but now I don't have as much money - unemployment comp, isn't much and now it has run out.  Things will improve when I begin to collect my pension in April next year.  I seemed to have deviated from my topic.  My granddaughter - the one who is 11 sent me an email today in response to one I had sent her a few weeks ago.  She only checks her email every few weeks so when I do send one to her I don't expect a quick response.  Instead I'm just surprised and delighted when she does write back.  I like to send email so that whenever she does check hers there will be one of mine there even if it's a little old. So today she responded to one from several weeks ago and she must have still been online when I saw it and responded.  We went back and forth about 4 times.  It was so much fun, and yet it was just light conversation.  She really is very bright.  She enjoys learning, likes to write (her mother (my daughter) and I both like to write so maybe there's a little bit of me in that.

In her email she said we have a special bond - what grandmother doesn't like to hear that?
She is my first grandchild and it's been an exciting 11  years.  I've read her stories on the phone, talked to 1 am on the phone with her, stayed up for hours just reading together (she read her book and I read mine), sometimes we stayed up late talking, and sometimes we sneaked ice cream (not more than twice though).  She's also a good little girl who is well behaved in school and patient and kind to little kids.  This year she is on the safety patrol.  The kids who escort the smaller children to their rides when the parents or car pool show up. To qualify for that job she had to do a couple of things one was write a paper about why she wants to do that and a couple of other things I can't remember right now.  But when she was told she had to write something she was delighted.  When I told her I had joined a writing group she said "sweet!!!" as though it was something special.  We all laughed, but not in a way that would ridicule her.  She laughed with us.  She does like to write.  One of my best classes in highschool was English Comp.  and all through nursing school I got good grades on all my written papers just one had a lower grade, but still a B.
While I'm not afraid of dying, I do hope I live long enough to see what kind of career choices she makes and how her life turns out.  She's a sweet and gentle little girl who likes animals, even bugs, and other little kids and me.  She's is such a joy. 

Helpful Hints

Once in a while I find a little shortcut to make something easier, faster or cheaper or maybe prettier.  So from time to time I thought I'd put some here.  And should anyone actually read this blog and have some handy little hints he or she can leave them through the comments.  But don't worry I'm not trying to be Heloise and her hints.  I only plan on doing this occasionally.  For tonight I'll start with something I'll bet most people already know.  That melted cheese makes almost any leftover taste better.  Havarti cheese melts best and is great in tomato soup.  Wine is also good with leftovers, drink enough and you don't care if they're leftovers.  See no fancy list of ingredients, no complicated instructions, almost no expense.

If you watched the debates on tv you're one up on me.  I just caught the reviews, and it seems that I missed a very entertaining performance by the participants.  I didn't learn much though, except that I won't be voting for any of them.   Personally I don't think that debates are a good way to judge a candidate's potential as a leader.  Televised debates are only one aspect of the candidates ability.  The ability to be quick, think quick, perform under pressure, and remember all kinds of details about lots of important and unimportant things are involved in debates on tv.  I think the man who becomes president has a different sort of responsibility.  He needs to be able to perform under pressure, but most of the time he will be able to take some time to make his decision, listen to his advisers, consider alternatives, and pros and cons of any potential action.  Reacting too quickly under pressure could be a disadvantage in a position of such immense power.  So it seems to me that all the candidates reacted poorly to the pressure and demands of the debate.  And nothing anyone did convinced me that any of them were worthy of my vote.  Having written all that I'd also like to say I won't be too political in the future - just an ocasional comment once in a while.  Of course we haven't seen the D's against whoever becomes the R candidate, but my opinion on the process will probably be the same. 

Pre Technology

Tonight I'd like to write a little about life  before all the changes in technology, transportation, and other conveniences to which  we have all become so accustomed .  I remember stories my mother told me about her childhood.  Things like using the phone in the closest grocery store in an urgent situation were quite common.  Very few people had phones.  On one occasion when her family was moving to another house my grandfather borrowed or rented a horse and wagon to move all their belongings.  Although there were cars on the roads they weren't many, and my mother's family had no access to one. 

All of that reminds me of the first calculators, electric typwriters, word processors and finally computers.  Most of the changes have involved speed: faster cars, airplanes, faster communication, not to mention travel to the moon. 

 When my mother was a child no one had medical insurance.  When treatment was needed people paid what they could afford. There were clinics and some places where one could obtain free treatment for minor illnesses such as colds, viruses, stitches for an injury. I always thought that people weren't afraid of crime in those days, but when I was older my mom told me some scary stories about crime in her neighborhood, and other frightening experiences. My mother's family had little variety in their meals, mostly potatoes and ground beef, or beans and franks no fresh fruit or veggies. 

So things have changed a bit for my family from what my mother experienced, and though things were better for my sisters and me,  we were not able to attend college until after we married.  My parents didn't finish high school, but they both worked very hard and my mom was a saver.  She hid money in her drawers for emergencies putting away a few dollars when ever she could.  Lay-a-way was something else that she used for large purchases. That disappeared  several years ago, but it seems to be resurfacing these days as people try to avoid the high interest rates these days. 

I think that all of us have been very lucky to live in such a time of amazing changes and progress, to watch history be made.  I do think I'm better off for all the progress that has been made especially in this country.  

Sadly, with all of  those advances, we have not learned to keep the peace.  With all the progress in communications, human rights, medicine and more we still have wars, serious crime, needless death, children in foster care, drug use and abuse.

Are things better?  I think so and the changes have brought both good and bad to my life, but am I glad that I have been able to see those changes.

Are we better off than our parents

Is life better now than maybe 80 -90 years ago?  I'm on the fence about this.  The big items of communications, medecine, transportation, education, and new opportunities for work, school, new careers, travel, and communication (I'm sure there are more areas, but I can't think of any more right now) have certainly improved.  But with the improvements also came new problems.  For example the internet and cell phones have made communication almost instant that's good.  Along with them though, has come cyberbullying, internet based scams, and more opportunities for pedophiles to find victims, teens carrying cell phones and using them to spread lies, naked pictures either of themselves or illegally obtained of other teens and spread instantly through the schools.  Children committing suicide is certainly related to the previous items.  So for almost every positive bit of progress comes the downside.  More items related to technological progress are things like pollution, unsafe water, oil spills with inadequate cleanup, drug abuse, poverty, fraud in the financial markets and more seem to also have increased.  I won't even get into the progress made in weapons of war except the great weapons have not brought peace.

Then there are population issues.  Our population has nearly overgrown the planet.  There is a shortage of  affordable housing, decent schools, low cost health insurance, and low cost medical care for those without insurance and so much more than I can list here.  But for the most part most things are better.  It's just that no progress comes without a downside.

Having said all that, I feel blessed to have lived during this time of so many amazing changes and to have experienced many of  them first hand.  Cell phones have given me a strong sense of security and safety. It allows me to connect with my family especially those far away.  The internet has helped me educate myself, allows me to read extensively on almost any subject about which I might be curious, communicate quickly with my extended family, shop and mail gifts easily, find some good deals, buy airline tickets, pay bills and store family, business and personal records and information and do my taxes. 
Computer science has given us some amazing movies i.e. Avatar, and even 3D TV. Computer science combined with movie technology is almost magical. So this is part 1, I guess.  Tomorrow I have some more about life before the tech advances from my memories and from stories my mother told me.  Stay tuned

Chloe, the Saga Continues

The saga of Chloe the scaredy cat continues.  She has been steadily showing improvement since I started her on drugs (cat pheromones).  She has been friendly, following me and letting me pet her.  She is still a bed hog and leaves me about 12 inches of bed to sleep on. In the meantime Giuseppe is at the foot of the bed forcing me to curl up so I don't kick him.  The interesting part is that I sleep in a double bed and there is so much room on the other side, but they won't sleep there.  It probably wouldn't change things because I have discovered that they like to lean up against my back, legs, stomach and occ on my pillow wrapped around  my head.  I had one kitty years ago who used to do that then she had to knead my hair and of course purr. 

For the pheromones I started with the spray and graduated to the electric diffuser.  Her improvements have been remarkable, and I don't think it was just because she got used to things.  This is not a kitty who gets used to anything, and she doesn't give an inch.  What is tabu is simply not allowed and never will be. She holds a lot of power for a small creature.  If I didn't love her and wasn't sensitive to her needs I wouldn't let her have all this power.  What I wish is that she'd give me a little respect, just a little.  But oh no that can't happen, not on her watch.  She has to maintain her control.  It's like the reverse of the Dog Whisperer effect.  She controls me and I give in - most of the time especially where comfort is concerned. 

I've also used kitty pot (better known as catnip to most people) as an adjunct to her pheromone therapy with good results too.  She's been a little nicer to Seamus, and he expresses his appreciation of her kindness by continuing to avoid her.  I can't say I blame him. 

too tired to write

Up late yesterday at a wedding reception. Today I had to get up early.Very Tired now, can't think straight..   Had 2 glasses of wine - that really helps.  Now I don't know what I'm writing or if it makes sense.  I can't seem to retain a thought long enough to write it down.  So now I'm going to bed with the hope that tomorrow I will make more sense and pretty sentences.

Backyard Learning

Of course I'm still feeding the outside animals (well the inside ones too, but I assume that's a given) and learning from them every day.  They are becoming more accustomed to seeing me and braver about being near me.  They actually ignore me a little as though I'm part of the landscape.  Once a little squirrel thumped at  my door, actually threw his little body against it.  I interpreted that as a hunger message and like "Hey!! I'm hungry!! What's up!!!"  So of course I rewarded that behavior with some peanuts and sunflower seeds.  I have also discovered that squirrels will eat seeds when peanuts are unavailable.  The morning doves like the small seeds best, blue jays and crows are fond of peanuts too. Most of the smaller birds and squirrels also like sunflower seeds especially the cardinals. When they flutter and swoop down and grab one my kitties, watching what I call squirrel TV, enjoy that little bit of entertainment.  From the bleachers of the table in front of the window they cheer (by squeaking and chirping too) and hold very still.  I am careful not to disturb them when they are watching the birds play peanut soccer.  They are usually very intense and do not like to be disturbed when viewing a match.  So of course I accommodate this little idiosyncrasy of theirs. It ends, but the winner is never applauded or declared for that matter. That information remains with in their little kitty brains. But they are happy and excited with the outcome so that's all that matters. Of course the free entertainment is a plus for me too.

Philosophy of Life

Do I have a philosophy of life?  I'm not sure, I do know that if I have one it has changed a great deal over my lifetime.  The changes came about through hard -learned lessons on life, love, parenting, and responsiblity. Some lessons were learned from life experiences, some from books, others from observations, many from stories my mother told me and some from animals and even some from televisions programs especially the ones like 20/20, 48 Hours, and Dateline.

I would almost like to write this as a poem, but poetry sometimes stumps me. So I write essay style and from my heart.  

Being honest with oneself and others seems to come first. I learned this the hard way when I was very little, and fear seemed to rule my thoughts.  It is important and at times difficult which brings me to my next little guide: do not use the pretense of honesty to hurt or embarass someone.  If it is necessary to say something that is honest, but that will hurt, do it gently and privately.  Which brings me to gentleness.

Be gentle with everyone - children, animals, eldrly people, spouses, friends, and neighbors and  perhaps most importantly with one's self - not just physically  gentle but verbally and emotionally gentle. People are fragile and most will appreciate a little sensitivity at a tough time.

Last of my philosophies is respect.  We all appreciate respect and we all need give the same respect to life in all forms: people, environments, property, animals and each other.  Respect is the lubricant that lets the wheels of civilization turn smoothly.  Deborah Norville from the TV news program "Inside Edition" has written a book ( 2-3 years ago) about just this topic - respect. It should be required reading in all schools.  Think how different the world might be if we could all simply respect each other.

Zen kitty

The adventures of Chloe continue.  Ever since we moved to this house my only female cat, Princess Chloe has been a royal pain.  She screams, hisses,  swats and runs away if I even look in her direction.  She is a little better with me than with the boys (my 2 male cats).  She screams at them if they get too close, look at her, touch her or even follow her a little.  She's thinks everyone is out to get her.  If I look in her direction and walk toward her she screams and then runs downstairs and hides where I can't quite reach her.  And her screams are scary.  She sounds like a banshee or witch or something famous for screaming such as Courtney Cox.  An email friend told me about something called Feliway.  I had my doubts, but ordered some online.  It's not too expensive and cheaper than therapy (which her behaviors are forcing me into) so it's a worthwhile gamble.  She told me it might take a month before I would see a change so I wasn't expecting an easy or quick fix or even improvement.  But after 3 days of spraying it around (no order discernible by me) on the couch, rugs, all her favorite places including my bed and certain chairs I began to see a tiny improvement.  She did the nose touch with Seamus (the one who provoked most of her screams). She also jumped up next to him at the window and I've heard no more screams.

She still has a way to go, but she did let me trim her claws and she purred and followed me around and then lay on the floor for me to rub her belly.I am amazed because even these small steps are so much sooner than I expected .  She was sleeping on my bed snuggled up next to me before the Feliway treatment, and that has not changed. But she wouldn't let the boys on the bed. So that hasn't been tested because they are now trained to stay off the bed. The product is supposed to have pheromones in it that relax the cat through a familiar scent. She doesn't like it when I spray it, but I think it's the sound so I do it when she's not in the room.  I also bought some Bach flower remedies, but haven't tried them yet. I will keep my readers updated on any future, noticeable changes (should I actually get any readers).  I really want my kitties to like each other. They have always been OK with each other until we moved here. That was the first problem, then just as things were improving hurricane Irene hit, and the electricity was off for 5.5 days and I discovered that Princess Chloe is afraid of the dark. That led to screams as soon as the sun went down.  I had to sleep with her and leave a flashlight on all night (see earlier posting "Princess Chloe Meets Hurricane Irene" for more details).  So her behavior has significantly improved in 3 days.  I'm hoping she'll continue to relax, and I won't  stop spraying until both cans are empty.

Quote du Jour

Quote du Jour

"People who drink to drown their sorrow should
be told that sorrow knows how to swim."
-- Ann Landers

Psychic Kitties

After many unsuccessful attempts to groom, cut nails, clean ears etc I have decided that my cats can read my mind.  I don't know if they can read everyone's mind, but they're reading mine at about 70-80% accuracy.  When they have a vet appointment they hide, when I have the claw trimmers in my pocket they hide, if I'm going out they know to follow me to the door (mind you I don't actually take them out - only Seamus on a leash).  When I go to get the catnip they know even before I get near it, same thing with the laser toy. I know that much of their mind reading is because they know me and my behaviors are, I guess, repetitive and therefore familiar to them.  But still it freaks me out a little when all I do is stand up and they run to the exact place to which I'm heading.
Of course Chloe my psycho kitty usually runs away from that same spot    knowing somehow that I'm going to try to brush her, or trim her claws.  She's a smart little girl, but somewhat unsociable and has an untouchable attitude about her.  Sometimes I can't even look at her or she runs.  The boys are learning  to pretty much ignore her. I'm still trying to make her a real kitty, but she is always one step ahead of me.

Scardy Cat

I have received some good advice from a cat writer friend through the web of course.  My Chloe is still hostile to her 2 male housemates.  My cat writer friend  suggested that rubbing the boys with a towel and then rubbing her would help her relax and begin to calm down and also the reverse ie rubbing them after rubbing her with the same towel of course.  Only one problem,  Chloe who is afraid of thunder, loud noises and the dark seems also to be afraid of the towel.  After several days of chasing her and putting the towel on my bed for her to sleep on - all with no success and  Chloe still screaming at the site of Seamus (one of the gentlest and most laid-back kitties I've ever seen). I gave up.  Today I tried something different.  I used a clean tube sock that is rather thick.  She seemed to like being brushed with it.  Then I used it on the boys and again on her.  She was ok with it.  I'm not yet sure if it has or will produce the desired effect, but ,if not, I'm considering drugs although I've tried kitty pot (catnip) with no solid improvement.  I'll keep the blog updated with the Adventures of Princess Chloe.

Run-away Cats

In November of last year I took my cats Yoshie and Seamus out for some outside play (on a leash).  Without warning they were frightened by a loud noise from a motorcycle engine being revved up next door. It was very loud and both cats went running leashes and all in different directions.  Yoshie managed to slip out of his and Seamus was at my feet with his still on.  I picked him up because he was closer and brought him inside.  Then I went back for Yoshie and he ran away as though he didn't know me.  I went after him but I couldn't catch him.  Over the next few days he came back every now and then and I would try to get him in.  Each time he acted as though he didn't know me. One night at the front door next night at the back door.
I'd go outside (although each time he came my shoes were off or I was in my nightgown) as fast as I could, but he would run looking terrified.  I don't think he knew me, yet he knew the house and he knew Seamus because he came back one time at the back door and Seamus must have sensed he was there because he went down and was looking out the door.  When I followed Yoshie took one look at me and ran.  That was the last time I ever saw him.  I looked up and down all the nearby streets and called and talked to neighbors.  But no luck.  Sadly he was not microchipped and had no collar on. In about a month and a half it will be a year since he left.  Why am I writing this now?  Because I had an incident today that devasted me for about 10-15 minutes. 

Earlier today after a late lunch I decided to take Seamus out.  For the last 4 days he's been going out with me but without a leash or harness. He's been really good staying with me, rolling in the grass, purring, watching birds.  When I sat in the swing for a few minutes he stretched out on the grass right near me and dozed a little.  When I walked around he followed me or I followed him (mostly the latter).  So I felt comfortable taking him out without a leash, plus we had moved and there were no motorcycles nearby.  The ones on the road never bothered them anyway - just the one next door. I thought it would be just like it was yesterday.  I opened the door standing right near him and as I was watching him step out he took off like a bat out of hell after a stray cat who visits the neighborhood for handouts.  Of course I screamed and went running frantically after him whistling and calling for him.  I followed him of course but couldn't catch up with him, then I couldn't see him at all. I was a wreck. My heart was in my throat.  I went in the house briefly for a whistle, but couldn't find one.  Back outside I continued to look for him and worried that I had lost another wonderful cat.  You see Seamus is a special, orange tiger (some call them red tigers), lap cat, gentle, friendly, easy going.  He was just one of the sweetest cats I've ever had. Tears were beginning to run down my face. I was going to call Larry to come and help me find him.  But as I got close to the house he came sauntering up to me and no where near the last place I'd seen him. He came right to me and I immediately picked him up and cuddled him.  Of course I told him he was a bad boy and he was never going out side again off leash.  But my voice was soft and he didn't seem to realize he was being disciplined verbally.  I brought him inside and gave him a stern talking to as he rubbed against my legs.  Then I called Larry and told him what happened.

After what happened to Yoshie I was frantic that Seamus would follow suit.  But thankfully he didn't.  Which makes we wonder why Yoshie didn't come back or didn't come in when he saw me.  How could he forget me?  I had had him for about 7 years. What could have spooked him after the motorcycle was quiet? I'll never know, but I think he must be either in another home or dead.  I wish I knew, or I wish I could believe he found another home, but I don't believe that.  He was a gentle, timid little kitty, but afraid of visitors to my home (unlike Seamus) and ran when someone knocked. He liked Larry and Larry liked him too.  He would sometimes get in his lap. But for everyone else he hid. 

I don't think I can take Seamus out off leash any more.  Today was a warning and I need to heed it. 

Famous Seamus

About 3 weeks ago I sent a picture of my orange tiger kitty to a web site called Kitty Bellies.  They have such cute pics.  It was the second time I'd sent it to them.  I think the first one got lost.  They emailed me that it would be posted in a month.  I dutifully checked once or twice a week, but it never showed up and I quit checking.  A year later I sent it to them again and finally they have posted it on their site.  So my Seamus is famous.  He's famous with my family too - everybody loves him and thinks he's special. The vet techs say all male orange tiger cats are special, but they love him too.
Today I took him outside without his leash, actually he took me.  He dashed out the door and I followed then he stopped and stretched out in the sun and purred and rolled from side to side. I could almost hear him say "please!!!" So what else could I do?  We walked around and enjoyed the sun and shade and the squirells and birds. He was in his glory.  I'll have to do this more often as long as he behaves.

From my granddaughter's birthday card

This is from the card(a Hallmark of course) we bought for my granddaughter's birthday.  I thought it was so beautiful I had to put it here to keep it forever.  I hope anyone who should happen to read this will respect the copyright laws.

May you keep getting to know yourself better - and keep loving what you discover
May you never stop learning, growing, dreaming.

May you travel to places you've always wanted to go - and find yourself right at home wherever your are.

May you take up something new - or something old that you  put aside once upon a time.

May you take good care of yourself in every possible way-and let those who love you take care of you now and then, too.

May you remember all the happiness you've known and believe with all your heart that some of your best joys are yet to come.

May you live each day like you've only begun.

But most of all, may you never forget how deeply you are loved.

The Sickness of Bullying

I'm watching "48 Hours" (recorded from last evening), but I do have to get moving pretty soon and get some things done.  This is a sad program that I may watch more than once.  It's about bullying in school: physical, cyber, cell phone etc.  I remember some bullies when I was in elementary school and sometimes I was on the receiving end.  I never bullied anyone because I really knew what it felt like.   Many years later my daughter had a few episodes of being bullied (actually hit and knocked down). One thing I remember is a meeting about it with the vice principal, who I had hoped would be helpful.  He suggested I take my daughter to a psychologist to identify what it is about her (my daughter) that might be causing the other kids to react this way to her.  At the time I thought he was trying to be helpful, and I dutifully arranged a meeting with a therapist.  She was helpful, but didn't believe that my daughter was the source of the problem, but she did recommend that I continue with therapy sessions to help D (for daughter) cope with some of the stuff that was happening in school. 

As I look back on this episode in her life I now feel some anger.  The people I went to for help and the suggestion that she might be responsible for it now infuriates me.  Isn't that blaming the victim? Isn't that what we do to women and other victims of violence?  And isn't that wrong.  I was taught by my parents that even if someone insults you, hurts your feelings, laughs at you , teases you, or is unkind in anyway, hitting, or physical violence is not the answer.  However even in a Catholic elementary school the boys seemed to be favored by the nuns, when I reported an incident of being kicked in the back and knocked down by a boy who, though my age was almost twice my size I was asked "Well what did you do to bring that on?".  I told the nun that I had yelled at him because he was jumping on the stomach of a boy (with down's syndrom)  who  was chubby. The bully thought it was fun because his big belly was a soft landing.  I still to this day cannot believe the response from that nun.  She said, "Well maybe you should learn to mind your own business".  I was crushed and walked away broken inside.  Apparently no good deed goes unpunished.  I have also walked away from the Catholic Church - not just for that incident, but for so many that followed. I do not expect people who dedicate their lives to religion and their belief in God to be perfect.  I do expect them to be kind, fair, honest and protect all the children
in their care - not just the popular ones, not just the boys.  The boys did seem to get away with a lot of misbehavior. The "boys will be boys" attitude was alive and well at that time I guess.

I am fully aware that my experience doesn't compare to the stories that have been in the news in recent years, and that we didn't have cyber bullying when I was young, but my small experience and my daughter's has made me acutely sensitive to the problem.  My daughter was never a bully, and she has to her credit (and her husband's) taught her children how bad bullying can be and how words can hurt as much as knives. We need to understand why this is happening and put a stop to it.  If we can't find out why we need to make the penalties for bullying sever enough: expulsion, detention, fines on the parents who should be teaching that it is wrong.  Some of the parents whose children are bullies actually encourage this behavior or allow it. Suicide of the victim is not the solution. Parents of bullies should assign consequences for the bullying, but also step in as the teacher-mom.  Talk to their kids make them see how it feels. Although I do I think they do know how it feels, sadly that's the part they enjoy - making someone else miserable.  I've even seen a more subtle form of bullying in the workplace.  Adults should know better.  Is this where the child bullies come from?

Nice to have a sister

I can't believe it's Tuesday evening already.  It is starting to get dark earlier now. Does time move more quickly when one is older?  I'm pretty sure it does. It also moves slowly when one is sad, and faster when one is happy. I can't prove it, but I know it.

I visited with my sister today.  We really had a nice day, lunch, chats about our kitties, and we watched a documentary on TV (HBO) which I don't get on my TV. Then we had to dissect it, critique it and solve world problems.  The program was about puppy mills which is a horrible thing. Of course I think they should be totally illegal not regulated, not supervised just forbidden by law and stopped completely.  But I don't see that happening anytime soon.
My cats and my sister's live better than some people.  Her cats really have a great situation.  They are allowed outside during the day; they come inside in the evening and stay in all night.  When sis and her husband are at work the cats are in, but they get a short run outside in the morning before everyone leaves for work or school. It seems the best solution, but I'm not able to arrange things that way for my crew. 

The drive to her house is very pleasant too, beautiful country roads for most of the trip and a middle portion on the highway.  All that nature and beauty is truly good for the soul.  No matter what my problems are that ride makes me forget them.  Of course it's beautiful in all seasons, but snow while beautiful and scenic is a bit of a pain and can be dangerous, but I still make the trip during the winter.  So all in all it was a good day.

Addendum to yesterday's blog

All the chipmunks were out this morning and  eating side by side with the squirrels.  I also saw a large flock of geese yesterday, heading south in a lopsided V formation.  My cardinal friend was munching on sunflower seeds way in the back, no sign of mom though.  And my cat Chloe was chirping at all of them especially the low flying aircraft (blue jays). Stay tuned for more backyard adventures.

Backyard Menagerie

Had an unusual morning today.  I fed peanuts to the squirrels and sunflower seeds to all who were interested.  The squirrels are getting very brave and coming closer to my home from time to time. 

On my first morning in this house a deer, more specifically a doe, was snoozing in my back yard.  She seemed very comfortable and huge.  She was way in the back and when I stepped outside (when I first saw her) she stayed very still.  Eventually she meandered off, but was in no great hurry.  So I don't think she was afraid.  Sadly I've never seen her again.  I do hope I will someday though.

The first week or two was mostly squirrels, a few black birds and a few blue jays.  But as it became a regular event and more food appeared especially at the back of the yard where they feel safe more and more began showing up.

Today I counted 10 squirrels (since I can't really tell them apart I try to count when they are all on the ground at the same time).  That seems to be the
residential group.  They chase other interloping squirrels away.  They grab the peanuts and run with them up the trees and eat them or maybe hide them.  Today and yesterday though they were burying them.  They must know that winter is coming.

I have a husband and wife pair of cardinals who come for the sunflowers seeds. They are shy so I put the seeds way in the back of the yard to give them some feeling of safety and privacy. They are frequently together and very beautiful. They have a sweet little chirp.

I also have some very noisy blue jays.  They are beautiful too.  They love the peanuts and swoop down and grab one almost while still in motion and head up to the trees to eat them.  They sometimes harass the squirrels and the chipmunks.  They squawk loudly  and in the beginning there were only 2 that I saw, but their numbers have increased to 5 or 6.  A few look small ones - maybe juveniles.  They sort of float down for the pickup sometimes and then zoom off with a peanut in the beak.

Which brings me to the next group.  As far as I can tell there are 3 little chipmunks in my backyard.  None of them seem able to sing though.  They are timid and the squirrels like to chase them away.  They never get close enough to hurt any of them.  The chipmunks are so cute and they have figured out ways to cross the yard undercover, darting from leafy plant to leafy plant.  So I put the peanuts under the large hosta plants.  The little guys are one up on the squirrels because they can put the peanut into the pouches on the sides of their mouths.  Squirrels seem able to carry only one at a time. It's cute to see them try to figure out a way to get 2 in there, but it never works. The chipmunks are a little like the hamsters my daughter had when she was young, but they all have the same markings: reddish color and white stripe down the back stopping at the tail.  The only differences I have been able to perceive are size and tails.  One looks smaller than the other 2 although he does seem to be growing, one has a very bushy, squirrel-like tail and one has a bushy, but short tail.  It looks as though it may have been injured at some point. Today the chipmunks ran past me (very close for them) about 2 feet from where I was on the landing of the back stairs. He ran across the bottom stair.  With only 2 stairs from the ground to the landing that seemed very close, and very exciting.  I stood there very still and threw peanuts between sightings of the chipmunks.  They hung around for what seemed like a long time running across the stairs each time they passed. I think they knew that the squirrels would avoid the stairs while I was standing there.

Then a few days ago a group of morning doves joined the breakfast club in my backyard. There were about 7 or 8 a few were small and looked like young birds.  They seemed to like the sunflower seeds, but I think I should look for something in a little bit smaller size.  Maybe I'll check online to see what they like best. They are very polite birds:  quiet, keeping a distance from the other feeders, and showing up after the others have left.  They spook easily if I even look out the window (not opening it mind you).

Lastly I also have a group of crows, very noisy crows that go after everything they find on the ground or in the garden ( a very small garden with only about 5 items growing in it).  They seem to squawk all at the same time in a
cacophony of calls and yells. The first few times it happened I had to run and see if something was happening, but there was nothing - just noisy birds.

Only one thing seems to be a bit of a problem.  A stray cat has found my yard and seems honed in on the chipmunks.  So far he hasn't caught any but he knows where they feed and sits and waits for them.  If I tap on the window he leaves pretty much for the rest of the day. He seems wild or feral to me.  If I could get close enough I would feed him.  I love cats and have 3 indoor only cats that allow me to be their live-in servant. I think if I fed him maybe he'd leave the chipmunks alone.  He's not fast enough or big enough for the squirrels or birds. His main interest does seem to be the chipmonks. So far though they have outsmarted him (with a little help from me)

Stay tuned for more backyard animal adventures.