Philosophy of Life

Do I have a philosophy of life?  I'm not sure, I do know that if I have one it has changed a great deal over my lifetime.  The changes came about through hard -learned lessons on life, love, parenting, and responsiblity. Some lessons were learned from life experiences, some from books, others from observations, many from stories my mother told me and some from animals and even some from televisions programs especially the ones like 20/20, 48 Hours, and Dateline.

I would almost like to write this as a poem, but poetry sometimes stumps me. So I write essay style and from my heart.  

Being honest with oneself and others seems to come first. I learned this the hard way when I was very little, and fear seemed to rule my thoughts.  It is important and at times difficult which brings me to my next little guide: do not use the pretense of honesty to hurt or embarass someone.  If it is necessary to say something that is honest, but that will hurt, do it gently and privately.  Which brings me to gentleness.

Be gentle with everyone - children, animals, eldrly people, spouses, friends, and neighbors and  perhaps most importantly with one's self - not just physically  gentle but verbally and emotionally gentle. People are fragile and most will appreciate a little sensitivity at a tough time.

Last of my philosophies is respect.  We all appreciate respect and we all need give the same respect to life in all forms: people, environments, property, animals and each other.  Respect is the lubricant that lets the wheels of civilization turn smoothly.  Deborah Norville from the TV news program "Inside Edition" has written a book ( 2-3 years ago) about just this topic - respect. It should be required reading in all schools.  Think how different the world might be if we could all simply respect each other.

Zen kitty

The adventures of Chloe continue.  Ever since we moved to this house my only female cat, Princess Chloe has been a royal pain.  She screams, hisses,  swats and runs away if I even look in her direction.  She is a little better with me than with the boys (my 2 male cats).  She screams at them if they get too close, look at her, touch her or even follow her a little.  She's thinks everyone is out to get her.  If I look in her direction and walk toward her she screams and then runs downstairs and hides where I can't quite reach her.  And her screams are scary.  She sounds like a banshee or witch or something famous for screaming such as Courtney Cox.  An email friend told me about something called Feliway.  I had my doubts, but ordered some online.  It's not too expensive and cheaper than therapy (which her behaviors are forcing me into) so it's a worthwhile gamble.  She told me it might take a month before I would see a change so I wasn't expecting an easy or quick fix or even improvement.  But after 3 days of spraying it around (no order discernible by me) on the couch, rugs, all her favorite places including my bed and certain chairs I began to see a tiny improvement.  She did the nose touch with Seamus (the one who provoked most of her screams). She also jumped up next to him at the window and I've heard no more screams.

She still has a way to go, but she did let me trim her claws and she purred and followed me around and then lay on the floor for me to rub her belly.I am amazed because even these small steps are so much sooner than I expected .  She was sleeping on my bed snuggled up next to me before the Feliway treatment, and that has not changed. But she wouldn't let the boys on the bed. So that hasn't been tested because they are now trained to stay off the bed. The product is supposed to have pheromones in it that relax the cat through a familiar scent. She doesn't like it when I spray it, but I think it's the sound so I do it when she's not in the room.  I also bought some Bach flower remedies, but haven't tried them yet. I will keep my readers updated on any future, noticeable changes (should I actually get any readers).  I really want my kitties to like each other. They have always been OK with each other until we moved here. That was the first problem, then just as things were improving hurricane Irene hit, and the electricity was off for 5.5 days and I discovered that Princess Chloe is afraid of the dark. That led to screams as soon as the sun went down.  I had to sleep with her and leave a flashlight on all night (see earlier posting "Princess Chloe Meets Hurricane Irene" for more details).  So her behavior has significantly improved in 3 days.  I'm hoping she'll continue to relax, and I won't  stop spraying until both cans are empty.

Quote du Jour

Quote du Jour

"People who drink to drown their sorrow should
be told that sorrow knows how to swim."
-- Ann Landers

Psychic Kitties

After many unsuccessful attempts to groom, cut nails, clean ears etc I have decided that my cats can read my mind.  I don't know if they can read everyone's mind, but they're reading mine at about 70-80% accuracy.  When they have a vet appointment they hide, when I have the claw trimmers in my pocket they hide, if I'm going out they know to follow me to the door (mind you I don't actually take them out - only Seamus on a leash).  When I go to get the catnip they know even before I get near it, same thing with the laser toy. I know that much of their mind reading is because they know me and my behaviors are, I guess, repetitive and therefore familiar to them.  But still it freaks me out a little when all I do is stand up and they run to the exact place to which I'm heading.
Of course Chloe my psycho kitty usually runs away from that same spot    knowing somehow that I'm going to try to brush her, or trim her claws.  She's a smart little girl, but somewhat unsociable and has an untouchable attitude about her.  Sometimes I can't even look at her or she runs.  The boys are learning  to pretty much ignore her. I'm still trying to make her a real kitty, but she is always one step ahead of me.

Scardy Cat

I have received some good advice from a cat writer friend through the web of course.  My Chloe is still hostile to her 2 male housemates.  My cat writer friend  suggested that rubbing the boys with a towel and then rubbing her would help her relax and begin to calm down and also the reverse ie rubbing them after rubbing her with the same towel of course.  Only one problem,  Chloe who is afraid of thunder, loud noises and the dark seems also to be afraid of the towel.  After several days of chasing her and putting the towel on my bed for her to sleep on - all with no success and  Chloe still screaming at the site of Seamus (one of the gentlest and most laid-back kitties I've ever seen). I gave up.  Today I tried something different.  I used a clean tube sock that is rather thick.  She seemed to like being brushed with it.  Then I used it on the boys and again on her.  She was ok with it.  I'm not yet sure if it has or will produce the desired effect, but ,if not, I'm considering drugs although I've tried kitty pot (catnip) with no solid improvement.  I'll keep the blog updated with the Adventures of Princess Chloe.

Run-away Cats

In November of last year I took my cats Yoshie and Seamus out for some outside play (on a leash).  Without warning they were frightened by a loud noise from a motorcycle engine being revved up next door. It was very loud and both cats went running leashes and all in different directions.  Yoshie managed to slip out of his and Seamus was at my feet with his still on.  I picked him up because he was closer and brought him inside.  Then I went back for Yoshie and he ran away as though he didn't know me.  I went after him but I couldn't catch him.  Over the next few days he came back every now and then and I would try to get him in.  Each time he acted as though he didn't know me. One night at the front door next night at the back door.
I'd go outside (although each time he came my shoes were off or I was in my nightgown) as fast as I could, but he would run looking terrified.  I don't think he knew me, yet he knew the house and he knew Seamus because he came back one time at the back door and Seamus must have sensed he was there because he went down and was looking out the door.  When I followed Yoshie took one look at me and ran.  That was the last time I ever saw him.  I looked up and down all the nearby streets and called and talked to neighbors.  But no luck.  Sadly he was not microchipped and had no collar on. In about a month and a half it will be a year since he left.  Why am I writing this now?  Because I had an incident today that devasted me for about 10-15 minutes. 

Earlier today after a late lunch I decided to take Seamus out.  For the last 4 days he's been going out with me but without a leash or harness. He's been really good staying with me, rolling in the grass, purring, watching birds.  When I sat in the swing for a few minutes he stretched out on the grass right near me and dozed a little.  When I walked around he followed me or I followed him (mostly the latter).  So I felt comfortable taking him out without a leash, plus we had moved and there were no motorcycles nearby.  The ones on the road never bothered them anyway - just the one next door. I thought it would be just like it was yesterday.  I opened the door standing right near him and as I was watching him step out he took off like a bat out of hell after a stray cat who visits the neighborhood for handouts.  Of course I screamed and went running frantically after him whistling and calling for him.  I followed him of course but couldn't catch up with him, then I couldn't see him at all. I was a wreck. My heart was in my throat.  I went in the house briefly for a whistle, but couldn't find one.  Back outside I continued to look for him and worried that I had lost another wonderful cat.  You see Seamus is a special, orange tiger (some call them red tigers), lap cat, gentle, friendly, easy going.  He was just one of the sweetest cats I've ever had. Tears were beginning to run down my face. I was going to call Larry to come and help me find him.  But as I got close to the house he came sauntering up to me and no where near the last place I'd seen him. He came right to me and I immediately picked him up and cuddled him.  Of course I told him he was a bad boy and he was never going out side again off leash.  But my voice was soft and he didn't seem to realize he was being disciplined verbally.  I brought him inside and gave him a stern talking to as he rubbed against my legs.  Then I called Larry and told him what happened.

After what happened to Yoshie I was frantic that Seamus would follow suit.  But thankfully he didn't.  Which makes we wonder why Yoshie didn't come back or didn't come in when he saw me.  How could he forget me?  I had had him for about 7 years. What could have spooked him after the motorcycle was quiet? I'll never know, but I think he must be either in another home or dead.  I wish I knew, or I wish I could believe he found another home, but I don't believe that.  He was a gentle, timid little kitty, but afraid of visitors to my home (unlike Seamus) and ran when someone knocked. He liked Larry and Larry liked him too.  He would sometimes get in his lap. But for everyone else he hid. 

I don't think I can take Seamus out off leash any more.  Today was a warning and I need to heed it. 

Famous Seamus

About 3 weeks ago I sent a picture of my orange tiger kitty to a web site called Kitty Bellies.  They have such cute pics.  It was the second time I'd sent it to them.  I think the first one got lost.  They emailed me that it would be posted in a month.  I dutifully checked once or twice a week, but it never showed up and I quit checking.  A year later I sent it to them again and finally they have posted it on their site.  So my Seamus is famous.  He's famous with my family too - everybody loves him and thinks he's special. The vet techs say all male orange tiger cats are special, but they love him too.
Today I took him outside without his leash, actually he took me.  He dashed out the door and I followed then he stopped and stretched out in the sun and purred and rolled from side to side. I could almost hear him say "please!!!" So what else could I do?  We walked around and enjoyed the sun and shade and the squirells and birds. He was in his glory.  I'll have to do this more often as long as he behaves.

From my granddaughter's birthday card

This is from the card(a Hallmark of course) we bought for my granddaughter's birthday.  I thought it was so beautiful I had to put it here to keep it forever.  I hope anyone who should happen to read this will respect the copyright laws.

May you keep getting to know yourself better - and keep loving what you discover
May you never stop learning, growing, dreaming.

May you travel to places you've always wanted to go - and find yourself right at home wherever your are.

May you take up something new - or something old that you  put aside once upon a time.

May you take good care of yourself in every possible way-and let those who love you take care of you now and then, too.

May you remember all the happiness you've known and believe with all your heart that some of your best joys are yet to come.

May you live each day like you've only begun.

But most of all, may you never forget how deeply you are loved.

The Sickness of Bullying

I'm watching "48 Hours" (recorded from last evening), but I do have to get moving pretty soon and get some things done.  This is a sad program that I may watch more than once.  It's about bullying in school: physical, cyber, cell phone etc.  I remember some bullies when I was in elementary school and sometimes I was on the receiving end.  I never bullied anyone because I really knew what it felt like.   Many years later my daughter had a few episodes of being bullied (actually hit and knocked down). One thing I remember is a meeting about it with the vice principal, who I had hoped would be helpful.  He suggested I take my daughter to a psychologist to identify what it is about her (my daughter) that might be causing the other kids to react this way to her.  At the time I thought he was trying to be helpful, and I dutifully arranged a meeting with a therapist.  She was helpful, but didn't believe that my daughter was the source of the problem, but she did recommend that I continue with therapy sessions to help D (for daughter) cope with some of the stuff that was happening in school. 

As I look back on this episode in her life I now feel some anger.  The people I went to for help and the suggestion that she might be responsible for it now infuriates me.  Isn't that blaming the victim? Isn't that what we do to women and other victims of violence?  And isn't that wrong.  I was taught by my parents that even if someone insults you, hurts your feelings, laughs at you , teases you, or is unkind in anyway, hitting, or physical violence is not the answer.  However even in a Catholic elementary school the boys seemed to be favored by the nuns, when I reported an incident of being kicked in the back and knocked down by a boy who, though my age was almost twice my size I was asked "Well what did you do to bring that on?".  I told the nun that I had yelled at him because he was jumping on the stomach of a boy (with down's syndrom)  who  was chubby. The bully thought it was fun because his big belly was a soft landing.  I still to this day cannot believe the response from that nun.  She said, "Well maybe you should learn to mind your own business".  I was crushed and walked away broken inside.  Apparently no good deed goes unpunished.  I have also walked away from the Catholic Church - not just for that incident, but for so many that followed. I do not expect people who dedicate their lives to religion and their belief in God to be perfect.  I do expect them to be kind, fair, honest and protect all the children
in their care - not just the popular ones, not just the boys.  The boys did seem to get away with a lot of misbehavior. The "boys will be boys" attitude was alive and well at that time I guess.

I am fully aware that my experience doesn't compare to the stories that have been in the news in recent years, and that we didn't have cyber bullying when I was young, but my small experience and my daughter's has made me acutely sensitive to the problem.  My daughter was never a bully, and she has to her credit (and her husband's) taught her children how bad bullying can be and how words can hurt as much as knives. We need to understand why this is happening and put a stop to it.  If we can't find out why we need to make the penalties for bullying sever enough: expulsion, detention, fines on the parents who should be teaching that it is wrong.  Some of the parents whose children are bullies actually encourage this behavior or allow it. Suicide of the victim is not the solution. Parents of bullies should assign consequences for the bullying, but also step in as the teacher-mom.  Talk to their kids make them see how it feels. Although I do I think they do know how it feels, sadly that's the part they enjoy - making someone else miserable.  I've even seen a more subtle form of bullying in the workplace.  Adults should know better.  Is this where the child bullies come from?

Nice to have a sister

I can't believe it's Tuesday evening already.  It is starting to get dark earlier now. Does time move more quickly when one is older?  I'm pretty sure it does. It also moves slowly when one is sad, and faster when one is happy. I can't prove it, but I know it.

I visited with my sister today.  We really had a nice day, lunch, chats about our kitties, and we watched a documentary on TV (HBO) which I don't get on my TV. Then we had to dissect it, critique it and solve world problems.  The program was about puppy mills which is a horrible thing. Of course I think they should be totally illegal not regulated, not supervised just forbidden by law and stopped completely.  But I don't see that happening anytime soon.
My cats and my sister's live better than some people.  Her cats really have a great situation.  They are allowed outside during the day; they come inside in the evening and stay in all night.  When sis and her husband are at work the cats are in, but they get a short run outside in the morning before everyone leaves for work or school. It seems the best solution, but I'm not able to arrange things that way for my crew. 

The drive to her house is very pleasant too, beautiful country roads for most of the trip and a middle portion on the highway.  All that nature and beauty is truly good for the soul.  No matter what my problems are that ride makes me forget them.  Of course it's beautiful in all seasons, but snow while beautiful and scenic is a bit of a pain and can be dangerous, but I still make the trip during the winter.  So all in all it was a good day.

Addendum to yesterday's blog

All the chipmunks were out this morning and  eating side by side with the squirrels.  I also saw a large flock of geese yesterday, heading south in a lopsided V formation.  My cardinal friend was munching on sunflower seeds way in the back, no sign of mom though.  And my cat Chloe was chirping at all of them especially the low flying aircraft (blue jays). Stay tuned for more backyard adventures.

Backyard Menagerie

Had an unusual morning today.  I fed peanuts to the squirrels and sunflower seeds to all who were interested.  The squirrels are getting very brave and coming closer to my home from time to time. 

On my first morning in this house a deer, more specifically a doe, was snoozing in my back yard.  She seemed very comfortable and huge.  She was way in the back and when I stepped outside (when I first saw her) she stayed very still.  Eventually she meandered off, but was in no great hurry.  So I don't think she was afraid.  Sadly I've never seen her again.  I do hope I will someday though.

The first week or two was mostly squirrels, a few black birds and a few blue jays.  But as it became a regular event and more food appeared especially at the back of the yard where they feel safe more and more began showing up.

Today I counted 10 squirrels (since I can't really tell them apart I try to count when they are all on the ground at the same time).  That seems to be the
residential group.  They chase other interloping squirrels away.  They grab the peanuts and run with them up the trees and eat them or maybe hide them.  Today and yesterday though they were burying them.  They must know that winter is coming.

I have a husband and wife pair of cardinals who come for the sunflowers seeds. They are shy so I put the seeds way in the back of the yard to give them some feeling of safety and privacy. They are frequently together and very beautiful. They have a sweet little chirp.

I also have some very noisy blue jays.  They are beautiful too.  They love the peanuts and swoop down and grab one almost while still in motion and head up to the trees to eat them.  They sometimes harass the squirrels and the chipmunks.  They squawk loudly  and in the beginning there were only 2 that I saw, but their numbers have increased to 5 or 6.  A few look small ones - maybe juveniles.  They sort of float down for the pickup sometimes and then zoom off with a peanut in the beak.

Which brings me to the next group.  As far as I can tell there are 3 little chipmunks in my backyard.  None of them seem able to sing though.  They are timid and the squirrels like to chase them away.  They never get close enough to hurt any of them.  The chipmunks are so cute and they have figured out ways to cross the yard undercover, darting from leafy plant to leafy plant.  So I put the peanuts under the large hosta plants.  The little guys are one up on the squirrels because they can put the peanut into the pouches on the sides of their mouths.  Squirrels seem able to carry only one at a time. It's cute to see them try to figure out a way to get 2 in there, but it never works. The chipmunks are a little like the hamsters my daughter had when she was young, but they all have the same markings: reddish color and white stripe down the back stopping at the tail.  The only differences I have been able to perceive are size and tails.  One looks smaller than the other 2 although he does seem to be growing, one has a very bushy, squirrel-like tail and one has a bushy, but short tail.  It looks as though it may have been injured at some point. Today the chipmunks ran past me (very close for them) about 2 feet from where I was on the landing of the back stairs. He ran across the bottom stair.  With only 2 stairs from the ground to the landing that seemed very close, and very exciting.  I stood there very still and threw peanuts between sightings of the chipmunks.  They hung around for what seemed like a long time running across the stairs each time they passed. I think they knew that the squirrels would avoid the stairs while I was standing there.

Then a few days ago a group of morning doves joined the breakfast club in my backyard. There were about 7 or 8 a few were small and looked like young birds.  They seemed to like the sunflower seeds, but I think I should look for something in a little bit smaller size.  Maybe I'll check online to see what they like best. They are very polite birds:  quiet, keeping a distance from the other feeders, and showing up after the others have left.  They spook easily if I even look out the window (not opening it mind you).

Lastly I also have a group of crows, very noisy crows that go after everything they find on the ground or in the garden ( a very small garden with only about 5 items growing in it).  They seem to squawk all at the same time in a
cacophony of calls and yells. The first few times it happened I had to run and see if something was happening, but there was nothing - just noisy birds.

Only one thing seems to be a bit of a problem.  A stray cat has found my yard and seems honed in on the chipmunks.  So far he hasn't caught any but he knows where they feed and sits and waits for them.  If I tap on the window he leaves pretty much for the rest of the day. He seems wild or feral to me.  If I could get close enough I would feed him.  I love cats and have 3 indoor only cats that allow me to be their live-in servant. I think if I fed him maybe he'd leave the chipmunks alone.  He's not fast enough or big enough for the squirrels or birds. His main interest does seem to be the chipmonks. So far though they have outsmarted him (with a little help from me)

Stay tuned for more backyard animal adventures.

Sad Movie, True Movie

I'm sitting here in my living room watching a sad movie.  It's Flight 93 on A&E network.  It would be sad even if it were not a true story.  It is true at least the basic facts.  No one really knows the whole story and details of course, but what we do know is that no one survived. An unusual mix of very brave, smart, heroic, and simply good people ended their days together on an airplane and prevented a much worse ending somewhere else.  It still makes me cry to see or hear the stories from Sept 11, 2000.  I still don't understand how such an act can be committed in the name of God or religion.  I'm sure I never will.  Since that time so many more people have died in the wars that followed that day.  Do they really think they have achieved something good? Only a very sick and twisted mind would believe that.

 I never really believed in the existence of devils, but the events of that day have made me reconsider. Certainly there was evil at work that day.  People always say "may God have mercy on their souls" about people and groups that commit horrendous crimes and acts of cruelty, but I'll leave that up to God when it comes to the perpetrators of those terrible events that day.  Instead I pray "May God have compassion for the victims and survivors and help them build new lives."

I hope the victims and their families and friends will meet each other in the afterlife. I believe they will. And if there is a Heaven I don't believe that the people who commit atrocities like the Sept 11 events will be there in Heaven.

Memories of Sept. 11

Like most people I talk to about Sept.11, 2000, I remember exactly where I was, but remembering what I thought and felt is harder to recall and somewhat influenced by things I hear and see today.

I was at work as were many Americans that day.I worked on the maternity unit of my local hospital.  It was an extremely busy day with about 8 labor patients and every postpartum bed filled (that would be 14) and 3 beds in triage.  All patient rooms had  working TV's and phones in their rooms and there were 2 tv's in Triage.  One tv was on in an empty labor room right near the nurses station.  I walked by the empty room except it wasn't empty.  There was a small group of nurses and a supervisor watching the tv.  I walked in to see what was so interesting.  I was just in time to see the second tower hit. We all watched in stunned silence.  I admit to worrying if my patients were ok without me as I stared at the small screen mesmerized by the happenings.

Then someone said something like "it has to be that guy, terrorist leader what's his name?"  I stuttered for a minute like someone on a game show and then said "Osama bin Laden" finishing her sentence. Everyone said yes
in soft low voices. I left the group to check on my patients and suggested to them that they might want to turn the tv on and see what was happening.

I called my mother; she was already watching the situation unfold. I asked her to call my daughter in FL and tell her to turn her tv on because  she doesn't watch it during the daytime. But this time she did turn it on and was as surprised as the rest of us. I think I called my mother before the towers started to collapse. We were on the phone only a few minutes then I had
to get back to work and my patients. 

For some reason I felt the need to tell people what was happening.  I called several  people and one person who was important to me whose job kept him on the road nearly 5 days a week.  He did have a cell phone so I was able to reach him.  He was so upset he had to pull over and listen for a while before continuing. It seems strange to me now, but I also called both of my sisters - one in SC and one about an hour away from me.  If I remember correctly they were both already aware of what was happening.  Though I didn't have any relatives in New York, I felt as though I was losing family members when the people started jumping and then again when I saw the towers crumble like toy blocks.  The knowledge that people were still inside -- rescuers and employees - left me with an indescribable feeling - heartbreak, emptiness, a sense of not believing what I was seeing, and a cold chill of reality.  It was happening.  It was real, and it was tragic.  Much later I learned that there were fewer people in the towers than usually at that time of day which probably saved thousands. I do not remember what the reason was for that.

It is difficult to remember accurately all the feelings I experienced.  Some were fear, dread, overwhelming sadness and the worst, I think, was helplessness.  The idea that with all the security, tecnology, intelligence agencies, undercover spies, and so much more we were not able to prevent this or cope with it effectively.  I had heard my Mom talk about WW2 and the attack on Pearl Harbor.  I knew now how Americans felt the day that Perarl Harbor was attacked.  And like Pearl Harbor and the day President Kennedy was killed people will continue to remember where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. We were entering a new era of fear, security precautions, anger, anxiety and probably more.  I do notice that most of the talk and memories center around the towers, and I think that's because we have such a visual connection.  We didn't see Flight 93 crash in PA, or the plane that crashed into the Pentagon  so we don't seem to give them the same attention.  I think it's because we don't have that video of them.  It is sad and unfair, but life is like that sometimes. However when we think of that day 10 years ago we think of all of them and we grieve for all of them. I always think of the ones left to grieve and wonder how they are doing.  It is nice that many of the network news programs bring stories about them to their viewers.  I hope that practice continues for at least the next 10 years.

Princess Chloe Meets Hurricane Irene

---

Princess Chloe is one of my 3 kitties (I like to call them kitties because cat sounds a little demeaning to them) 2 boys and one princess.  She lived a tough life before joining my clan.  Her mom was a drop off stray who delivered 3 kittens by herself alone outside in some harsh New England weather.  Her mom and 2 siblings were lost to the road before my sister was able to rescue them. She did rescue little Chloe at about 1year old who became a princess after she joined my group. How she survived that year is a mystery, but it had to be very hard on her.  She runs the boys who have either fear or respect for her.  I'm not entirely sure which. She also has rules for me.  I simply can't walk up to her and pick her up.  That is not allowed and she responds with a quick exit and manages to arrived at a place that is unreachable by me.  She also has some quirks.  She is afraid of change.  I know all cats resist change, but she wins the award for best performance of a kitty in a new house.  Hiding during the day and banshee screams during the night if she saw one of the boys or a shadow or lights from a passing vehicle.  I had to close her in the rec room with me and a litter box and leave some lights on, and needless to say I didn't get much sleep.  That went on for about 2 weeks.  Then my daughter and her family came to visit from FL.  Sleeping arrangements were altered and Chloe hid from them (espicially the kids) almost 24/7.  

When they left, she started to relax a little allowing me to pet her occasionally and chirping a little.  Then came Hurricane Irene and we went all the way back to square one.  We were without electricity for about 5 1/2 days.  So it was very dark at night and her anxiety level must have been high. The screams began again of course, and again I found myself sleeping in the rec room (which is in the basement) with her.  Fortunately it didn't flood, but I had to leave my flashlight on all night on the floor where she could see it from under the bed where she was hiding.  If I turned it off she screamed and the boys dived for cover. Well my batteries were getting weak from all the use.  So I decided to use my hurricane lamps and candles figuring that was their intended use (during the aftermath of a major storm).  That worked well for her, but not for me.  I was up all night checking them because I was afraid of burning the house down. The lamps also left an unpleasant smell in the house all day even after I turned them off. One night I didn't use them and managed to coax her into my bed.  She didn't scream as long as she was on my arm, but I wasn't allowed to move all night so that made sleeping pretty much impossible.  I went back to the lamps and candles. 

The power finally came on and the princess kitty calmed down now almost 2 weeks after Irene graced our little community. She is almost back to her querky little self.  Screams have stopped, but she still snubs the boys from time to time. She does like to sleep on my bed, and I'm required to leave night lights on all night.  That's not so bad, and it does get me a fairly good night's sleep. I'm a little concerned about the next change that might come her way. 

Cats know your every thought. They don't care,
but they know

Coping with "Things"

I've been busy today sorting and saving.  I have such a problem with throwing.  I wonder if anyone else does - oh right they have a program about hoarders (even animal hoarders) on tv.  So the problem isn't mine alone, but I think I knew that.  I form an attachment to everything (except dirt) I have in my home.  I don't want to throw it if it still has life in it.  So sometimes I give it away even when I know no one will want it.  I just hate waste.  I think maybe that came from my grandmother and mother although as my mom neared the end of her life she seemed glad to ditch things.  She just "couldn't be bothered" with clutter, but that was when she was in her 80's.  It might be good if I cought the bug a little earlier.  My daughter is always after me to through things out, but I resist.  I dig my heels in and don't even want to answer.  When I get frustrated enough I do begin to discard things.  Moving has helped (or forced) me to do this somewhat; it has also helped me find things I didn't remember I had or knew that I had them but hadn't been able to find for years and finally gave up and bought another one.  I wonder if many people relate to that experience? I never lost my daughter, and I never lost my cats (in the home) even when I had 8 of them.  Right now I'm down to 3 and I watch kitten videos on Youtube and long for more, but I can't give in to that right now, and it hurts not to be able to go to a shelter and give a little kitten a new home or even an older cat whose time is running out, but do to some committments I can't have more cats for about 2 years. Maybe then I can rescue another cat.  All my cats except 2 have been rescued from the outdoors and one from my sister who was rescued from the outdoors by my sister before I got her.
I took her from my sister because she was a fearful little kitty (about 1 to 2 years old and one of my sisters cats was bullying her. She was so terrified she wouldn't come out from hiding. So I brought her home and my kitties seemed to like her immediately and she was ok with them.
I think if I had a huge house I'd be over the top with "things" that I mostly don't need - just like.  I try to figure it all out, and when I think that I have the answer (seldom) I still crave trinkets, shiney things like rings and necklaces, scented candles, soap, books, pens, cosmetics, jewelry and gadgets  etc.  It's never enough and I don't know why.  I do know it has to stop. And I'm working on that. Sometimes life can be so hard.

Lunch With Friends

I had lunch with my sister and one of her longtime friends who eventually became one of my friends years ago, although after we all married we traveled different paths and lost contact with each other.  It was nice to reconnect during lunch and a glass of wine and dessert of course.  Now I'll have to starve myself for 2 weeks to make up for the lapse of will power.  But it was great talking and catching up.  Her husband had died a few years ago and she has had some other tragic events.  It was hard to know what to say, but we managed to get past the awkward moments.  It's interesting because she doesn't seem very different from the person I knew in high school.  Some different interests, more confidence, but really the same sweet person with a few more worries and some sad issues. I guess we'd all fit  that last part of the description. But it was good and then we exchanged ph numbers and said good bye.  For a while I had a bit of a melancholy feeling then.  It seems that memories of the past even the good ones are also a reminder that time is moving forward and the changes continue and aren't reversible as we move toward the ultimate ending that no one ever wants to talk about.
As a nurse I've had some experiences with death and the only way to get through it is to talk about it: it's effect on one, the sadness we feel, what happenes next, how do we move on.  There are no right answers only listening to the questions, acknowledging the sadness and pain and offering support. Each of has to find our way through a sad or tragic event.  I'm still working on my sad event.  (I'll try for a more upbeat entry next time)

Irene Takes Leave

Well Irene came to CT and left a path of destruction that may cost as much as 75 million to fix, clean and reopen. My electricity was out for nearly 5 days (3 hours short of 5 days).  TV was out for 6 days.  It's OK I can live without TV though I missed my Dateline, 20/20, CNN, animal planet and a few police stories.  I did manage to do some reading but it was dark by 7 pm (New England is like that as September nears. Oct will end DST and it will be dark at 4:30pm.)  So it's hard to read by candle light.  And electronic devices don't have a  a long enough battery life to suit me and can't be recharged during a power outage.  But at least my cat Princess Chloe has calmed down and is actually purring.  I've been busy all day with picking up, putting things away, and doing laundry and cleaning up the fridge and throwing out rotten or suspected rotten food. There's more of the same for tomorrow.  So enough whining.  I do need to get to sleep.  I'd be interested in reading some other material about this hurricane.  I wonder how people cope at times like this.  Am I the only one who whines, pouts and stamps her feet?  I hope not.  Still I never thought I'd get excited to a degree in the realm of Christmas eve in the life of a 6 year old.  But when I saw those utility trucks one street away from mine, it was Christmas all the way.  A few hours later the lights were on and I was ecstatic. 

As an aside there is a website called 'Hurricaneville' and it has all the known information of hurricanes from the point when the first records were kept (world wide I think) posted there, charts, history, statistics and more.  It is free, but they do request a donation to keep it operational. I could have searched and read the information posted on that site for hours, but sadly I didn't have hours available.

Hurricane Irene

Hurricane Irene finally showed up late Sat. and left my neighborhood without power until just a few minutes ago.  That's why I haven't written for a few days.  From late Sat. until about 9:30pm this evening I was in the dark.  It wasn't fun the way it was when I was a kid and we used candles and a battery powered radio and toasted marshmellows over the candles.  I did use candles, and flashlights, and hurricane lamps (what a great name).   But I could not sleep for fear of the house burning down.  I had to leave some lights on because I have a cat with some serious emotional problems such as fear of any new situation (such as moving or new furniture) and yes fear of the dark.  Princess Chloe (as I affectionately call her) let out screams like a banshee (what ever that is) at night periodically--  all night, and low growls, and fearsome sounding snorting to ward off the demons.  So if I was going to get any sleep at all I had to give her some light and sleep in the same room with her.  The second night she slept in my bed with her head on my arm all night ( sort of perpendicular to me).  I was not allowed to move.  She's really a sweet little kitty who wouldn't hurt anything, but the screams, hissing, and snorting (very unlady-like) suggest otherwise.  Even my other 2 cats give her space when she gets like this.  Her background is a bit spotty.  I know she lived outside for the first year of her life and her mother and siblings died (hit by cars I believe) when she was still a very small kitten herself so I imagine her fears originate from the experiences she had during that year.  My sister rescued her actually. When one of her cats tried to teach the little princess some manners (which didn't work at all), she came to my house and things went very well  (for about a year)untill I moved to a new house.  That's when some of the psycho behaviors began to show up. One month later the hurricane.  It was all too much too soon.  I think it will take a while for her to get back to the sweet little kitty she really is.  But I'm patient and the boys (Seamus and Giuseppe) are just avoiding her for now.  They look at me with this puzzled expression like "What's with her???"
I have tried to explain it to them, but they look even more puzzled when I talk to them.  Then they just walk away shaking their little heads.  I don't get much respect at all.