Florida Trip

Well here I am again and wanting to share my worries with readers (all 3 of you).  I'll be heading
to FL (from CT) to visit my daughter (shortly after Halloween).  We'll be down there for maybe
2 weeks.  Though I'm looking forward to seeing my daughter and grandchildren, I am not looking
forward to the drive.  I have to arrange for a cat sitter, clean my house, pack clothes some for the
road and some for when I'm down there.  I guess once we get past NJ we'll be safe from snow, but
then we face it again on the ride home.  I love my daughter and grandchildren and at first loved
the trip to FL.  Once we traveled through the mountains and it was breathtaking, but I guess as I
 age it gets a little harder to plan, to leave my kitties, to drive to and from and to know what I need
to bring. I've tried bringing "everything", but that didn't work.  I suppose I should start my list.
Let's see  clothes, (socks, undies, shoes, nightgown, robe and more),  Reading material is also
important, and I just got new glasses so I can see better now.  But the trip takes a toll on me
(probably on my significant person too, but he doesn't complain).  I know as I get older these
trips will be even less often than they are now.  After all how long is it safe for a person to make
this kind of trip as she or he ages?   Then there's the problem of driving in FL.  I don't want to
speak unkindly about FL traffic, roads and drivers, but the male drivers are a bit agressive and
hostile especially if one is driving with out of state plates.  The roads are 2-4 lanes in each
direction, moving fast which is fine I guess if you know your way around, but if one is used to
the 2 lane roads in the hills of  CT, those roads can seem a bit scary.  God help you if you
take a wrong turn!  It could take you days to find your way out of the maze unless a friend
or relative sends out a rescue team or you get killed in an accident. I'm sure anyone who reads
this will think I'm exaggerating unless he or she has been to certain areas of FL.  If you live there
and are fairly well adjusted to their traffic flow you might think I'm exaggerating, but talk to
people who only have visited a few times and happen to come from a small town somewhere
 else (like New England) and you might understand a little more.

Years ago I lived in FL when I was newly married and not yet had any children, and for a time
we were too poor to afford a vehicle, and when we did get one it was old and unreliable, but
it did help me go grocery shopping, and a few other errands.  Even then I found the big 4-6
lane highways intimidating and pretty much confined my travels to the Air Force base
(Patrick Air Force Base on the east coast).  Fortunately they had most of what we needed
to live there ie food, clothing, small movie theater, some recreational activities and the Atlantic
Ocean was walking  distance from our tiny apartment.  It was a beautiful place to live, but so
hot.  I think I knew then that FL would not become our permanent home if I had a choice.  My
daughter does seem to love it and her children who were born there think it's great.  My
granddaughter, though was crazy about snow when she was here in CT.  It was cute to see her
so excited about something that most New Englanders moan about (except those in the ski
business). It is fun to take a look back at my life so many years ago and contrast it to what it
is like now.  So many changes: computers, cell phones, amazing cars, affordable flight travel,
cheap long distance calling, space travel, color TV  (giving my age way now).  Some pretty
amazing medical advances have also occured during the last 50 or so years.  We should all do
this exercise once in a while.  It makes one grateful for all we now have.  One thing that also
changes is warfare.  It seems peace is still illusive as there is still fighting in so many places,
much hate, racism and crimes of all sort, but the weapons are different and the reasons for
the fighting are less clear at least to me.  So much just seems like hate, opression, and crime,
then  anything else.  It also seems that many people aren't content to have freedom of religion
unless it's their religion.  There are some religions that want to push for conversion, some that
want to use force to bring people into the religion, some religions that want to hurt or destroy
members of other religions.  I cannot understand this, though I do understand being fearful of
some of the more radical religions, but let us remember that Christians were radical at one
time making life horrible for other religions to have a peaceful coexistance, and the Jewish
religion is blamed for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ because he taught a new way to think.
I really believe in live and let live, but that doesn't mean (to me at least) that one should force
his or her beliefs or religion on other groups, but laws of the land should prevail.  No killing
your female off spring because she dated a young man of a different religion or nationality.
That should not be tolerated and the perpetrator should be punished to the fullest extent of
the law.  In this country we have rights for everyone.  If someone wishes to live here he
should follow the laws of this country.  If he doesn't like them then he should leave and go
back to his homeland and see if that's better.  It might be better for the men, but not usually
for the women of these nations.  It's amazing to me that such a mass exodus of people
from the middle eastern nations is taking place in the name of  freedom and a better life,
but will the life be any better if they bring their brutal heritage and tradition with them? They
must change their traditions or they will hate it here and possibly be hated by the people
who don't believe in their ways.  Their women need more respect and protection and their
daughters should not be sold or married off for a price.  Women's rights need to be addressed
now.

Reading Accessories

I've been on a reading binge.  Going through books fairly rapidly, but they were all rather long, mostly Kindle books.  I love my Kindle, though I hear a lot of people say they love the books,
the feel of the paper etc.  But in my opinion books aren't made right.  I find that with most of them
holding them is awkward.  Hard covers are often heavy and don't stay open, and paperbacks won't
stay open and it's too easy to lose the place.  If the central margins were wider it would work
better, but then  it would take more pages to print the whole book.  So that is one delemma, using
the Kindle eliminates that problem, plus one carry a whole library around in a purse or a large
pocket.  And as I read each book on my Kindle I just click on "remove from device" and it cleared
and stored in my Kindle account at Amazon.  They have several different styles.  I know that there
are a few other reading devices on the markets - my grandchildren all have Kobos and they love them.  There was a third type, but I think it's been discontinued.  I also like the Kindle Cloud reader at Amazon.  I am able to use it on my laptop.  Once set up and opened it too becomes a hands-free reader, but a little more awkward than the Kindle, but better in some other ways. I can enlarge the type and read any Kindle book on it.  BTW  I'm not getting paid by Amazon for this info I'm sharing.  One last thing is that all the Kindles and the app for the computer are all synced so you can start with the computer and continue with the Kindle device and the divice will know where you left off on the last device. The computer Cloud Reader however offers something that I don't think I can do with the regular Kindle (though I'm not sure).  If I find a special passage or reference that I want to save or share with someone all I have to do is highlight and do a copy and paste to an email and then send it or store it in a file I have for interesting quotes.  I think that is a great tool for students who often
want to use some quotes in the papers they write.

Computers and Passowrds

Am I the only person who has trouble with passwords?   Before I retired I had to remember about 8 different passwords.  Each department or service had it's own requirement so using the same password was impossible.  Then they made us change them every 3 months.  I'm a registered nurse and now retired, but the last 1-2 years were a nightmare in the password department.  Try to imagine
a medical emergency and a patient needing a medication that is locked in a vault requiring ones
user name and password - one tiny error and one is locked out in an emergency!!!  For the first
20 or so years we only needed a code to get into the pharmacy or med room.  Then computers
(which I enjoy) came into play. We had passwords for our personnel files and we were required to change them every 2 months (not repeating any as they change).  We had codes or passwords for
the pharmacy, the utility room, the instrument packs room, even the bathroom.   There were a few
more, but I think you get the idea.  It seemed I was always getting locked out of one or 2 of
the areas.  It never bothered management because they didn't go into all those rooms. They stayed
in their offices and had only one or 2 passwords to think about.  I was not sorry to leave that all
behind me when I retired.

Now that I'm at home a lot I use my computer and email and check my accounts online.  But
again I have multiple passwords to remember.  I do have a password program to store them and
when I'm on my home computer I can check them, but should I have to change one I need to
remember to change it in the storage program and quickly before I forget it or get it mixed up.
The trouble begins when I have to access an account away from home or on another computer.
And sometimes they make me change it just as the hospital did - for security reasons.  Three
days later I forget that I changed it and attempt to sign into my bank to pay bills and I use the
wrong password  then after 2 attempts I'm locked out.  Then there is a whole separate procedure
for regaining entrance to the site.  Somedays I just put a check in an envelope and mail it.  Seems to
take less time for that, unless the payment might be late then I have to go through the process in
order to get it sent  electronically.

I do believe that computers are wonderful and provide speedy service for the most part, but at
they can drive me to distraction and hair pulling.  They often won't accept the correct password
if it's been a while since I accessed that site so then I have to jump through hoops again.  I think
I'm getting too old for this stuff and being ADD doesn't help my concentration or memory either.

For all who happen to read this blog - I wish you easy passwords and accomadating computers.

A New Car!!!

Long time no write!!  Here I am about to  write about my latest investment.  I bought a new car - new only to me.  It is a 3 year old Honda CRV, silver colored.  It is quite nice with several amenities that
make it feel a bit like a luxury auto.  It drives nice and has a few onboard  tech items that are quite
useful.  For one thing it has a rear camera to guide me as I back up.  It takes a bit to become adept
 at useing that feature, but I'm getting there.  It also has an automatic feature for turning the lights
off after you turn the car off.  I like that but I tend to forget that it does that.  The only feature I'm
not so fond of is the rear window.  It is kind of small and limits one's view of the road behind the car.
The seats are fairly adjustable so as a rather short person I can fit in it, but still need a pillow to improve the view (accuracy that is).  I'm not thrilled about car payments, but there is no other way
to buy a new car.  I do usually pay any auto loan  more quickly by increasing the amountI send each month .  I use a complicated formula ie send a few extra dollars each month. Because the extra amount goes directly on the principal rather then devided up for both principal and interest as the monthly payments are.  I think that in the end one will save some money that would otherwise go to interest, and for me the good part is that if one month I have some extra expenses I need only pay the minimum without any penalty and then catch up later when things are ok. I may be wrong about how this works, but  I know is that it works for me.    Also my loan is from a credit union which usually
have better rates than banks.  I will admit that I didn't do as much research as I should have, but
this is my 3rd auto from Honda Motors and they have all been very reliable cars.  (You should
know that I'm not be compensated for my kind words about the Honda products).

On a different topic, I have just heard that meteorologists are predicting a difficult winter in the
northeast.  Apparently we're in for freezing weather and lots of snow (don't we always get that?).

Coping with the Aging Process

I am enjoying my weight loss, but I was up about 2lb on today's

weigh-in so I did my run, then went to Mystic and shopped (spent 

too much money on odds and ends that I needed.  I'll have to be a 

bit more careful next time.  I did go for a long walk, bought coffee

(iced and still sipping it), sat by the river and did some reading. It

is such a pleasure to read by the river on a mild day.  It was a little

hot, sun shining, light breeze, and just a few people on the other 

benches.  I would have liked a little shade, but there was none.

Still it was nice and restorative  then I headed to the grocery store

before heading home.  I've been cooking squash, cleaning, putting 

groceries away, reading and watching some TV news and other stuff.

I've also been feeding my squirrels, chipmunks, gopher, and of 

course the birds.  My cats do love watching the critters, but one cat,

Chloe, hogs the window with the best view.  She's my only female 

and a bit anxious so they (the other cats) tread carefully where she 

is concerned. They let her have her favorite place - no questions asked.

My friend is here, sleeping as usual.  He claims he sleeps fine at night,

but every time he is here he falls asleep in the chair and snores

loudly. I don't mind really, but sometimes I need to do some things

such as vacuuming and I don't want to wake him.  He'll soon be

working again so I try to ignore it for now.

It will soon be July and we will be half way through the year.  It does

seem that time passes more quickly as one ages.  I'm now 68 and 

thinking about what will change as I continue this process of aging.
 Maybe I don't want to know, or maybe I'd like just the good news
(but is there any).  I know that I still care about what people think of me,
 but not as much as I once did.  I don't want to be a weird old lady, or
a mean one, but this is unchartered territory for me as it is for everyone. I

did watch my parents and some friends and neighbors age. It's not
encouraging, but there are no alternatives.  I think the only

steps one can take are keeping physically active (forcing oneself

if necessary), challenging oneself intellectually IE reading, 

studying, trying new things (sewing, volunteering etc)  As yet I

have not volunteered, but I enjoy reading and writing as this

blog illustrates, and I belong to a writing group that meets once

a week on Fridays.  Some times we have lunch together afterward

at a local restaurant.  The writing group is a good exercise for my
writing interests because I don't get to choose the topic only the way I
want to address the topic that is  presented by the moderator.
I also have an online journal which I highly recommend.  It's easy,
has unlimited space,  has a free  version and an unlimited version
for a small annual fee.  If you are reading this and would like to try  an
online journal do a search there are so many to choose from you may find
it difficult to decide. The one I use is called  "Penzu".  You can have several
different journals if you choose and leave your journal to read after you
are gone from the earth which I think takes a lot of thought about who
will have the password for it.  But I can say that I wish I had something
from my mother - a letter or even a paragraph -- anything her own words
would mean so much to me.

Life in Florida

Back to FL

I am in FL visiting my daughter.  I never did move here permanently, but come to visit at least twice a year.  FL is not for me - at least not on permanent basis.  It's too hot in the summer, the traffic is
awful, the drivers are out to get other drivers (at least it seems that way) and I get lost too easily.
So I have decided to stay in CT and come to FL maybe once a year to visit my daughter for a few weeks.  I now get pet sitters which can be costly for an extended stay, but my alternatives are
limited.  If I got a house sitter who could just move in for a few weeks it would be great, but I'm
hesitent to have a stranger in my house.  I also don't know how to find someone who would be
willing to do this.  I'm a little worried about Craigs List and other services like that. So I'll have
to see what works out for me.  My kitties are safely at home with sitters who stop in daily and feed,
water, and clean the litterboxes and even give them some attention.  I miss them so much. I can't
wait to be home and have them sleeping on my bed.  Oops I need a new bed now.  Have to take
care of that as soon as I get home.

For the most part FL is a beautiful state, but it is hot in the summer - very, very hot, and my
cats are home and I'm missing them though I do have granny rites with my daughter's cat. She
is a sweet, gentle, affectionate kitty and I just love her, but my daughter won't give her up (to me of course) so I'll have to settle for visits with the cat when I visit my daughter.  Of course my grand-
children are there as well, but since they are now teens I find them less interested in talking to or visiting with me.  I'm not offended.  I understand that they have there own activities and lives
and I am only a part time person in their lives. I come and I go sometimes I write to them, but
seldom get a letter back.  That's ok too because they're teens.  They have school, friends, activities,
etc (the pool, and little jobs such as dog walking, baby sitting, etc as they are now teens).

This has been a working visit for me and I am tired.  Can't wait to be home.  In the mean time
everyone drive carefully.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce

So today divorce is on my mind.  I was not a child of divorce, but I often think I'd have been better

off if my parents had divorced.  The down side would have been poverty.  My father didn't make

enough money to support 2 families, and my mother didn't make enough money working as a nurse's

aid to fill the financial gaps.   So why am I talking divorce?  Because it has once again visited my

family, and I'm sad about it, but not very surprised.  Life is funny like that. 

 It is true that the kids do suffer from divorce - maybe more than the parents because parents either don't answer their questions or try to keep it all a secret until the last minute, or they speak negatively about their soon to be ex in an effort to absolve themselves of responsibility, at least in the eyes of the children.  All that part leading up to the actual separation ie different houses, cars, responsibilities, money settlements, visitation, school,  house rules etc (have I left anything out?) has to be worked out, but often the children are not prepared for how this works. They become very anxious because the parents don't tell them. They think they are protecting the children  from unhappiness and anxiety.  That is probably not true. We don't have to tell the kids everything, but enough so they feel like  things are taken care of.  They know they'll see both parents, probably live with one and visit the other,  they can call either parent when they need to, and visit either according to schedule or whim, but must communicate any plans to the parent who might not know the plan.  Stuff like that.  When the kids have some guidelines they feel safe ie all is being addressed so they can relax.   How do I know this?  Because I did it all wrong.  My daughter seems ok now, but I handled things badly mostly because I was young and uninformed and didn't have a lawyer, or a therapist to consult (no money for either).  I thought I was protecting her when I withheld information and to some extent that is true, but again we need to pay attention to the kids questions and if they can't be answered

honestly then explain that some things have yet to be decided ie "we're still working on that" and

maybe ask them what they think about something such as visits with the other parent, attending 

school, friends in school and more.   I think the most important thing is to talk to them, explain that things aren't written in stone and there may be many changes over the first few years until a pattern is

established.  But even that will change as needed when the kids change schools due to moving or to

moving up a grade (ie from elementary school to junior high etc) or a move to a different school district and therefore a new school.  Talk to the teachers so they understand what is happening to

the children and therefore may be more understanding of any late arrivals, absenteeism, and

forgetfulness due to worry and stress.  The teachers  might be more tolerant if they do understand

the issues the child is facing.  

When I grew up divorce was considered horrible, the Catholic church considered it sinful (maybe still due, but I'm not part of that anymore) and didn't talk about it even in a general sense in the Catholic school systems.  Maybe they do now, but not then.  So if you read this and it is at all relavant to your situatiion  and  it is also helpful then leave a comment for me.  If you have better ideas than the ones expressed here let me see them and I'll add them to the blog.

I think the most important part, though is to stress that the parents have respect for each other, and

let the kids know they are loved and will always have 2 parents who love them though they may live in separate houses.  I wish I'd been more informed about these things.