Memories of Sept. 11

Like most people I talk to about Sept.11, 2000, I remember exactly where I was, but remembering what I thought and felt is harder to recall and somewhat influenced by things I hear and see today.

I was at work as were many Americans that day.I worked on the maternity unit of my local hospital.  It was an extremely busy day with about 8 labor patients and every postpartum bed filled (that would be 14) and 3 beds in triage.  All patient rooms had  working TV's and phones in their rooms and there were 2 tv's in Triage.  One tv was on in an empty labor room right near the nurses station.  I walked by the empty room except it wasn't empty.  There was a small group of nurses and a supervisor watching the tv.  I walked in to see what was so interesting.  I was just in time to see the second tower hit. We all watched in stunned silence.  I admit to worrying if my patients were ok without me as I stared at the small screen mesmerized by the happenings.

Then someone said something like "it has to be that guy, terrorist leader what's his name?"  I stuttered for a minute like someone on a game show and then said "Osama bin Laden" finishing her sentence. Everyone said yes
in soft low voices. I left the group to check on my patients and suggested to them that they might want to turn the tv on and see what was happening.

I called my mother; she was already watching the situation unfold. I asked her to call my daughter in FL and tell her to turn her tv on because  she doesn't watch it during the daytime. But this time she did turn it on and was as surprised as the rest of us. I think I called my mother before the towers started to collapse. We were on the phone only a few minutes then I had
to get back to work and my patients. 

For some reason I felt the need to tell people what was happening.  I called several  people and one person who was important to me whose job kept him on the road nearly 5 days a week.  He did have a cell phone so I was able to reach him.  He was so upset he had to pull over and listen for a while before continuing. It seems strange to me now, but I also called both of my sisters - one in SC and one about an hour away from me.  If I remember correctly they were both already aware of what was happening.  Though I didn't have any relatives in New York, I felt as though I was losing family members when the people started jumping and then again when I saw the towers crumble like toy blocks.  The knowledge that people were still inside -- rescuers and employees - left me with an indescribable feeling - heartbreak, emptiness, a sense of not believing what I was seeing, and a cold chill of reality.  It was happening.  It was real, and it was tragic.  Much later I learned that there were fewer people in the towers than usually at that time of day which probably saved thousands. I do not remember what the reason was for that.

It is difficult to remember accurately all the feelings I experienced.  Some were fear, dread, overwhelming sadness and the worst, I think, was helplessness.  The idea that with all the security, tecnology, intelligence agencies, undercover spies, and so much more we were not able to prevent this or cope with it effectively.  I had heard my Mom talk about WW2 and the attack on Pearl Harbor.  I knew now how Americans felt the day that Perarl Harbor was attacked.  And like Pearl Harbor and the day President Kennedy was killed people will continue to remember where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. We were entering a new era of fear, security precautions, anger, anxiety and probably more.  I do notice that most of the talk and memories center around the towers, and I think that's because we have such a visual connection.  We didn't see Flight 93 crash in PA, or the plane that crashed into the Pentagon  so we don't seem to give them the same attention.  I think it's because we don't have that video of them.  It is sad and unfair, but life is like that sometimes. However when we think of that day 10 years ago we think of all of them and we grieve for all of them. I always think of the ones left to grieve and wonder how they are doing.  It is nice that many of the network news programs bring stories about them to their viewers.  I hope that practice continues for at least the next 10 years.